~~~
Liu Jin wakes up with a gasp.
He desperately looks around and finds he is back in his room, back in New Moon Town. For a desperate moment, Liu Jin dares to think it might all just have been a nightmare. However, it is a foolish thought. The images in his mind. The pain in his body. They are all too real. No, it was not a dream.
He…
He….
“Little Brother!” Someone touches his shoulder. Liu Jin flinches but instantly relaxes upon noticing it is Xiao Nan.
“Elder Brother,” Liu Jin says, taking a deep breath. “You are here.”
The knowledge is enough to return a measure of calm to Liu Jin.
“I am, Little Brother,” Xiao Nan says. “You are safe. We brought you back.”
Liu Jin closes his eyes and tries to remember the events after the fight, though perhaps calling it a fight is too kind.
As soon as the bandits had been taken care of, Liu Jin put the pendant back on. It wouldn’t do to let Nine-Headed Snake God’s poison keep contaminating the forest. He had done his best to take in the surrounding poison and guide it into the pendant, but by then, the damage had been done. Though perhaps not immediately lethal, nothing would grow in that area of the Whispering Woods for a long time.
Xiao Nan had arrived shortly after that. The older boy had found him surrounded by corpses and about to collapse, tired both physically and mentally.
“And the others?” Liu Jin asks with his eyes still closed. He doesn’t know why he asks. The answer is already known to him.
“Dead.”
The reply is instant. Liu Jin’s heart aches.
“The Black Bear Group... It was the Black Bear Group.”
“We know.” Xiao Nan’s words cause Liu Jin to look up. “One of the corpses was identified as one of their commanders. I was also able to interrogate one of them.”
“What? But I…” Catching himself in time, Liu Jin lowers his voice just in case. “I removed my pendant, Elder Brother.”
No one should have survived Nine-Headed Snake God's poison.
“I figured as much,” Xiao Nan says. “Little Brother is strong but not that strong. You must be thinking no one should have survived something like that, and you’re right. Not one of the bandits was left alive.”
“Then how…?”
“Not being alive is not the same as being dead. There are a great many steps between life and death, and there are a great many things you can do with someone who is transitioning between them.”
For a moment, Liu Jin wants to ask just what exactly Xiao Nan means by that. However, he cannot bring himself to do so. The look on Xiao Nan’s face is as severe as he has ever seen it. The teen’s face is tight with worry and anger.
“Regardless, the interrogation produced interesting results,” Xiao Nan continues. “The attack only had one purpose. To kill Xiao Dong. I am not sure what was going through their minds when they decided to do something like that. However, now that they have succeeded, it cannot be overlooked. This cannot go unpunished.”
Of course it couldn’t go unpunished. The Branch Master’s son was killed by a group of lowly bandits. Even though this is just a minor branch, the Xiao Sect is still the Xiao Sect. An offense like this cannot be allowed to stand. The Black Bear Group should not have been unaware of that. Attacking Xiao Dong like they did could lead to no other outcome than bringing down the wrath of the branch sect on them.
That was why no one had seen the need for Xiao Dong to be heavily guarded.
No one would be stupid enough to attack him. That had been everyone's reasoning.
“A party has been gathered to hunt down all members of the Black Bear Group. I will set out along with them in a few hours.”
“You will be leaving?” Liu Jin curses himself for how weak he sounds. Even so, he does not want Xiao Nan to leave. Not right now.
Xiao Nan’s face softens.
“I wish I could stay with Little Brother. However, Xiao Ding is furious. He would have set out on his own the moment we found you if I hadn’t talked him out of it. For a place like this, Xiao Ding is not weak at all. However, his emotions are out of control right now. I need to be with him to ensure he does not make any mistakes.”
“I see.”
The worst part is he can. Xiao Ding is a man who has just lost his son. How can he be expected to make rational decisions? The local branch has already lost its Young Master. It cannot afford to lose the Branch Master as well.
“It is better for Little Brother to rest for now,” Xiao Nan says, patting his shoulder. “Little Brother has already been through enough. Sleep. By tomorrow, your Elder Brother will have taken care of everything.”
Xiao Nan is trying to be kind. Liu Jin understands that. However, there is no way he can sleep peacefully right now.
“I let them live.”
Liu Jin looks at Xiao Nan, lost. “Back then, Elder Brother told me to decide the fate of the bandits. I let them live.”
“Little Brother-”
“Killing them never crossed my mind. I will admit that.”
How could it? How could someone who wants to dedicate himself to healing others even think of taking away someone’s life? It is inconceivable.
“However, we could have brought them here! I could have even asked Elder Brother to destroy their dantian. That was another possibility. To take away their cultivation. There were so many things I could have done back then, but I just left them tied to a tree. I thought that was enough. Because I did that, they were able to attack us.”
At the very least that man… the Fifth Commander, he would have never been there if not for Liu Jin’s choice.
Tears start gathering in Liu Jin’s eyes.
“They attacked us… and… and…” The first tear slides down Liu Jin’s cheek. “Elder Brother, I ended up killing them. I killed them all. When it came down to it, I did not want to die, so I killed them. I willingly took off the pendant even though I knew what would happen.”
The tears keep falling. Liu Jin’s vision blurs.
“Elder Brother, is this my fault? Did I make the wrong choice?”
Xiao Nan looks at him, his expression carefully neutral. Finally, he sighs. “Little Brother, I want you to imagine something for me. Picture a hawk flying through the sky. Can you do that?”
“I…”
“Picture it,” Xiao Nan insists, his voice gentle but firm. Distraught, Liu Jin does as instructed.
“The hawk is hunting. It is looking for food to feed its young. Down below, it sees a young fox. The fox is out in the open. It is easy prey. Now, you have a choice. You can choose to save the fox. If you do so, the fox will live, but the hawk and its young will go hungry and die. You can choose to do nothing. If you do, the fox will certainly die. However, the hawk and its young will be able to feed. Now, Little Brother, knowing this, what is the correct choice.”
“Elder Brother, what-”
“Just think,” Xiao Nan says. “Calm down and think carefully. What is the correct choice?”
The correct choice. Liu Jin’s mind ponders the question. The way the situation is set up, someone will die no matter what he does. If he saves the fox, the hawk and its chicks will die. If he lets things happen, the fox will die.
Is saving the fox more virtuous because it is not the aggressor? Is letting the hawk kill the fox okay because it must feed its children? Is the choice that ends with more animals alive the virtuous one? Both animals are predators. In the end, both will go on to kill more animals. Should he be inventive and decide to kill both? Would that be virtuous?
What is correct in this situation?
“I don’t know,” Liu Jin says at last. “I don’t know, Elder Brother. How can one decide what is correct?”
“It is actually fairly simple, Little Brother,” Xiao Nan says, taking a deep breath. “People make that sort of choice all the time in this world of ours. I want Little Brother to listen well. Never forget this. Not for one day. Not for one second. Engrave it into your heart. The truth is... both choices are fine.”
“What?”
“As long as you make the choice, any choice is the correct one, Little Brother,” Xiao Nan explains. For some reason, he looks almost tired when he says it. “In such a situation, you are the one with power. The one who decides who lives and who dies is you and no one else. The hawk and the fox are mere animals that cannot stand against you. You hold their fate in your hands by virtue of being strong. That is why any choice is fine. Because it is the choice of someone with power.”
Liu Jin listens to the words coming out of Xiao Nan’s mouth, stunned.
“Little Brother, back then, I gave you power over the situation. I decided you would be the one to decide the bandits’ fate. If you had told me to kill them, I would have. You told me to spare them, so I did. In that situation, you were the one with power over their lives. You were the one who could choose. That is why any choice you made was automatically the right one.”
“Elder Brother, I… I don’t understand…”
Xiao Nan smiles, and it is the saddest smile Liu Jin has ever seen.
“Little Brother, I wish I could tell you something else. I wish I could be reassuring. However, that would not be fair to you. In this world of ours, we struggle, we climb, and we keep climbing. We amass power. We gain favor. We spread our influence. All of it is to reach greater heights. Any act we made, however immoral, is automatically made right by our power. Power forgives all. Power excuses all. That is why the decisions made by those with power can never be wrong.”
Xiao Nan looks almost ashamed as he says this.
“That is why your actions cannot be in the wrong. You let them go because you had power over them, and then you killed them because you had power over them. As long as you keep being in a position of power, you can make any choice you want.”
“That… that's twisted, Elder Brother.”
Xiao Nan sighs. “We live in a twisted world, Little Brother.”
~~~
It is late at night when Xiao Heng finally comes to visit him. By then, Xiao Nan and Xiao Ding have already left town to hunt down the Black Bear Bandits.
“Boss, I am so sorry!” Xiao Heng literally kowtows in front of Liu Jin.
“Stand up!” Liu Jin snaps. He immediately regrets how harsh his voice sounds. Liu Jin did not mean to yell. He is just not in the best of moods. In a gentler tone, Liu Jin asks, “Why are you apologizing?”
“I-I should have been there to help Boss!” Xiao Heng cries out, his gaze firmly on the floor. “I should have thought about it more. I should have talked with brother and convinced him to take more guards with him. I should have…I should have…”
“It is not your fault,” Liu Jin says. It strikes him then that Xiao Heng is someone who has just lost his brother. “We should all have thought about it. We never considered we would be attacked.”
No one would dare to attack the Xiao Sect. That was what they had all been thinking. There was no need to bring many guards because no one would dare to do anything to the local branch’s young master. Everyone had been confident of that. That was why no one had tried to caution Xiao Dong when he said he wanted to go to the forest.
“You have lost a brother,” Liu Jin says. “I am sorry.”
Xiao Heng quickly shakes his head. “Boss has nothing to apologize for. If anything, Boss has already avenged my brother by slaying his murderers. I should be thanking Boss instead.”
Liu Jin barely fights back a flinch. He still remembers it. The Fifth Commander’s face as he fell, blood spurting from his mouth. Had he even realized he was dying? Liu Jin quickly shakes his head, hoping to banish those images.
It doesn’t work.
“Boss, are you okay?”
“I am fine,” Liu Jin says. He rubs his forehead. “I believe I need a walk.”
Liu Jin moves to leave the room as he says that. For a moment, he worries he is being too rude, but Xiao Heng just silently follows him. As Liu Jin makes his way towards the courtyard, he cannot help but notice everyone they pass gives him a wide berth. It takes him a minute to figure out why that is.
Of course, the story of what happened probably already made its way around the compound a couple of times. Liu Jin dreads to imagine what rumors have popped up since then.
It is a relief for Liu Jin when he finally makes his way out to the courtyard. Night has already fallen. The cold air is a welcome distraction from his problems, and the full moon shines brightly in the sky. Liu Jin stares at it, hoping to get lost in it, hoping to forget about everything that has happened today. This morning everything was fine. Now he is a killer.
Twisted.
The world really is twisted.
Liu Jin takes a deep breath. His hot breath turns into white vapor which drifts off into the night.
“Young Master! Little Lord!”
Liu Jin and Xiao Heng turn around. A group of servants is running toward them.
“What is it?” Liu Jin asks.
“Visitors, Little Lord!” One of the servants says. “There are visitors at the main gate!”
~~~