Mother Lin rushed into the room again.
When entering, she saw her two children looking towards her with a knife in their hands, and Lin Shixing had tear marks on her face.
It looked like a suicide scene somehow.
She instantly panicked, her brain went blank, and she rushed up to snatch the knife away regardless of the situation.
At this moment, at least Lin Shixing was feeling that she still had some sort of affection for her.
Her heart was full of anguish, which was mixed with confusion and despair.
If you love me, why don’t you give me a chance?
If you love me, why are you pushing me to the brink of no return?
Is the love for a son really so great that it has to be filled with the sacrifice of a daughter?
Mother Lin’s body was trembling, until she threw the knife on the ground.She looked at her daughter with shivering lips and spoke with a trembling voice, “Lin Shixing, did I owe you in my last life? Do you have to make me angry to death before you’re satisfied?!!”
In the past, when she showed her sad appearance, Lin Shixing wouldn’t say anything hurtful. She was even willing to admit her mistake, just to lessen her mother’s worries.
This was perhaps the most frustrating part of her despair.
Even if she was pushed to the wall and stabbed in her heart, she still regarded these people as her closest relatives and the people she wouldn’t want to hurt the most.
But this time, Lin Shixing wouldn’t take a step back.
She couldn’t control the tears from her eyes. Her words were interrupted by sobs, but she still let it all out.
“Don’t I owe you? I’m not sure if it’s because I killed someone in my last life and committed a crime that’s why I was reborn in your belly and became your daughter? I’m really not asking for a lot, I haven’t been asking for much, I don’t want you to treat me like you treated my brother, I just want you to stop pushing me into the fire, over and over...”
“Mom, do you know what you’ve been doing? You are telling me to give up my bright future and have me flounder around for the rest of my life. If you say... If you say that our family is really struggling and needs money, I wouldn’t say anything further, I would immediately quit school to make money. If you and Dad had any serious illness that needed money, I would also give everything up to make money to save you guys. But is our family at that point? Are we there now?!”
Lin Shixing’s sobs were heartbreaking. She was a very good-looking girl, usually very attentive to her image, and used to cry in her bedroom under the covers, without making a sound. When she finished crying, she would go wash her face and massage her eyes; Just in case someone would ask if she had cried.
She would pretend to be relaxed and reply; ‘No, I just yawned.’
But now, she cried without any concern for her image, as if to vent all the grievances buried in her heart all these years.
“Last month, you and Dad just bought a new phone for Elder Brother? How many phones has he replaced since you started buying them?? Every time he breaks one, he doesn’t need to repair it. What about me? I can only make calls and send text messages with an old phone or with the one Dad doesn’t use he gives to me. Every month you both give him money and he spends 4,000 a month. Sometimes, when it’s not enough, he calls you to ask for more. I live on campus on 500 a month, and I don’t even use your money. But you’re still reluctant to give me any money.
In the second year of junior high school, the teacher asked me to practice pen writing. Everyone said that the X series pens were easy to use. I went home and told you, you said that that pen was expensive. A pen worth over 10 yuan is too expensive for me. I obeyed, so I didn’t buy it. As a result, I turned around and you bought my brother a 50-yuan basketball. Just because he said he wanted to play during recess. Mom... You ask your conscience and ask yourself; since then, what have I ever asked of you?”
Lin Shixing trembled and looked at her mother who was shocked by her sudden outburst and sniffed, “I always told myself that it’s not easy for you both, I was born and raised by you, so I have to be considerate of you. You don’t give me money, so I earn it myself, I don’t have enough money to spend, so I save it, I eat cheap food and wear cheap clothes. I thought, at least compared to my brother, I know how to behave, don’t I?”
“But what about you? Can’t you two see? From childhood to adulthood! All you see is my Brother! Only him! Where was I? Where have I been? You keep telling me that my family paid so many fines for me, sometimes I really want to tell you that it was your decision to have me, not my choice. If there was a choice, if I knew before I went into your belly that you and Dad wouldn’t like me at all, that in your eyes I’m not even a finger of my brother’s, that I’m only worth a sacrifice, I would rather never been born than be your daughter!!”
Mother Lin stared blankly at her daughter, who had always been well-behaved and quiet. She opened her mouth, wanting to say something, but didn’t know what to say.
On the other hand, Lin Shiheng, who was on the side, was still unaffected, “Lin Shixing, how could you talk to Mom like that? Why are you dragging me into it? a
Lin Shixing had never spoken to her parents in this way. before Mother Lin lectured her, she herself had sat down weakly on the bed.
It’s not the fear, it’s just about the sheer sense of irony.
It was ironic that, after saying something she would never have said before, what rose in her heart was relief.
Yeah, relief
Lin Shixing hung her head and hid her tears.
That’s it, Tm simply an extra in this family At any moment, my parents could tell me off for not being removed in the first place.
They and Lin Shiheng are the family
If Dad comes back at night and still thinks I should drop out of school, then I’ll drop out of school. I’ll go out to work and earn money, and I’ll transfer my household registration when I turn 18.
I’ll work out the amount of money I’ve spent since childhood and separate cleanly, even if I have to work harder.
That’s it.
There’s no need to hope any more. I’ll give up this family and give up becoming their daughter.
Mother Lin didn’t know what Lin Shixing was thinking, she was still in shock because she never thought that there was so much injustice in her daughter’s heart.
Why are you so angry?
Boys and girls are treated differently. Shiheng is the boy of the family, of course, we should be good to him, and take good care of him.
Boys spend a lot of money outside, and he’s also in college. Giving him 4,000 or 5,000 yuan is quite normal, isn’t it? When Shixing went to high school, food and housing are provided by the school, how come 500 yuan isn’t enough to spend?
In the past, when I was working outside, spending 500 yuan a month was too much.
For Lin Shixing, she didn’t feel any guilt in her conscience and say that she loved her very much.
Look at all my cousins, nieces and nephews, which one of them were as blessed as Lin Shixing, still going to school at 17? And look at what she grew up with, she could eat everything good at home, even if Shiheng ate most of it, wasn’t the rest of it given to Shixing?
And those toys, although we always taught her to not take things from her brother, but couldn’t she play with them?
Like Mother Lin’s on childhood, before her brother died, she wasn’t allowed to even touch the slingshots and spin-tops, because girls couldn’t even touch those things. The family’s good food couldn’t even come near her mouth. She could only stand aside and wipe her drool and watch her brother eat. She also had to start the fire and cook, go up to the mountains and cut grass, and bring them back to feed the pigs and chickens.
Because she always remembered her childhood, where she didn’t even have the energy to play, and Shixing only did her chores as much as she could before she went to high school, she didn’t get tired as much as she did when she was a child.
Isn’t that enough?
Is that really not enough?