Alice felt the itch within expand outward, creeping along her limbs until it made her fingertips twitch. Granted, by the time it reached her fingers the itch had taken on a whole new meaning, it ate at her like fire. But she held herself back. Not yet, not just yet.
“Then, my second question.”
Gabriel had set several milestones for her in the past, goals she had to reach if she wanted him to answer whatever questions she had. Being officially acknowledged by the duchy, getting acknowledged by the imperial family, getting her first title, getting married, and taking over the duchy. Three of the five were completed, so with her first question answered she had two more she could use.
“All those years ago, why did you choose me?”
This was the question Alice was most eager to ask, the one she wanted answered the most. Back in the orphanage all those years ago, when she first stuttered out the fateful question. All the other children lowered their heads, looked away in silence as they left her questions unanswered. But Gabriel had raised his head and looked directly at her, wordlessly agreeing to her request before she even made it.
At the time, she was ecstatic, she would no longer be alone. Most people would just think that Gabriel was an orphan so following a basically abandoned illegitimate child was still better than remaining in the orphanage. But then the other children that were assigned to her were taken away one by one, lured in by better positions or by threats. But Gabriel never left.
And the more he showed, especially with what she learned now, the clearer it became. He could have left whenever he wanted, he could have probably left the orphanage on his own and still lived a grand life. But he didn’t. He stuck with her, no matter what was offered. She posed him the question all those years ago, but it was clearly him who chose her. But why?
“…”
Gabriel was silent for a moment, the two looking at each other. It was… an inevitable question. There would come a day when Alice would ask him something like this, and he had given his word that he would never lie to her. It was strange. It was such a simple answer, in the past he would have been able to spit it out without hesitation.
But now, as he was looking at her and had the words on the tip of his tongue, he felt that he didn’t want to tell her the truth. But in the end, he had to tell her the truth. Partly because the fourth tenet of being a good person was to always stay true to your words, and partly because she deserved to know it.
“There was no special reason. I was a weapon, and a weapon needs a wielder. You were just… there, the first recognizable person I saw, and I knew what you would become so it was only logical. At best there was some… pity would be the best word for it, pity for the end you would meet. So I figured that since you were going to be my wielder, I should at least help you change that ending, that way you would be able to wield me for longer.”
It was… heartless. A cold reason. There wasn’t really anything special, she just so happened to be there, just so happened to be the first. What if it had been Marion, or Leonardo, or Francis? What if he had met them first, would he have gone with them as their weapon? If it was the him of the past then it would be likely. But then he would never be more than a weapon, he’d just remain a tool in this second life as well.
“I see.”
Alice’s response was simpler than he expected. Then again, Alice had always been smart, quick to pick things up. She’d probably formed a few guesses over the years, she knew him better than anyone else after all.
“But you know what, Gabriel?”
Alice’s arms rose from Gabriel’s waist, resting on his shoulders as she folded her hands behind his neck. She looked straight into his eyes, the corners of her lips pulled up into a natural smile, the old, and by now worthless, truth unable to cause even a dent.
“I will choose you. Whenever the chance comes up in the future, I will choose you. And I’ll do it because I love you.”
She used the hands that were behind his neck to pull him close as she spoke, resting her forehead against his. He could feel her breath on his face as she spoke, it felt like fire as it brushed against his skin. The hair on the back of his neck and on his arms rose in response, he suddenly felt parched as her scent tickled his nose.
“I still have a third question.”
The subtle scent of alcohol and ripe grapes mixed with Alice’s own smell. There had been plenty of alcohol at the investiture so they had naturally drank their fair share, but he could pick out the exact wine she had drank based on the smell. He could even taste it on his tongue, his lips. It was the wine she had been drinking just before his proposal, she must have kept drinking it even after he left.
“What will you do now, Gabriel? What do you want?”
The third question. It could be used to force him to answer any one question, no matter how much he would like to keep it hidden, no matter how uncomfortable it might make him. But she used it on this. In the end, even though he gave her five goals, she really only needed the one, she only ever wanted to know why he chose her.
“…”
What did he want, what would he do? Gabriel had never really been asked something like that, not in such an earnest capacity. Even when he was asked such things in his past life, it was always just so that his superiors could have him answer with exactly what they wanted to hear. It never mattered what he wanted, he was just a weapon after all.
So, what was it that Gabriel wanted?
“I want to live. Properly this time. With others, with family. With you.”
It was a vague answer, but it was what he could give. The things he considered pointless in the past, he wanted to experience them. The thing called friends that he never made, he wouldn’t mind making a few this time around. He wanted to take a break when he was tired, he wanted to just laze around on some days. He wanted to live. And he wanted to do it next to Alice. And he would whatever was needed to achieve that goal.
“…”
This time it was Alice’s turn to be silent for a moment, a heavy breath washing over Gabriel’s face. She leaned forward, her forehead still resting against his. Gabriel didn’t resist, allowing her to push him over so that he was laying on the bed, arms still wrapped around Alice’s waist. Luckily, the bed was exceedingly large, so the orphan Edith remained undisturbed where she laid.
“That’s a good answer, Gabriel.”
For a moment, Alice’s voice was right next to his ear, her scalding breath causing his insides to itch. She slipped her hands out from behind his head and shift her position so that she was straddling him, her hands resting on his chest, two fingers fiddling with his collarbones.
“I’m taking in the slaves, Gabriel. The children who lost their families, the adults with nowhere to go. I’ve negotiated a deal with Arthas and the other families, they give me all the displaced people and I discard my rights to any of the land that we might gain from the Kasarias kingdom after all this.”
Alice looked down at Gabriel from above, crimson eyes gleaming brighter than any star. She was an Earl now, but she didn’t have any land that she could govern. As such, if the empire expanded in the future she should technically be among the first to be granted some of that land. But she discarded that right in favor of taking in all the abandoned people.
“You stretched out your hand to me when I was abandoned, now I want to do the same for them. The abandoned children, the people disregarded by all others, the people who have nothing left, I want to offer them a hand.”
Want. Desires. Ambitions. Alice and Gabriel never really spoke much of such things, an implicit understanding between them. But she had made Gabriel speak of his desires, what he wanted, so now she would speak of her own desires.
“If I am the one who turned you into a person, then you are the one who made me human. All I have, all I am, comes from you.”
The fingers that fiddled with his collarbone moved. Alice was just an abandoned illegitimate child, and she would have remained that if it wasn’t for Gabriel. She could only rise because he had given her his hand. She took hold of his hand and moved it away from her waist, allowing it to rest on her chest, a rhythmic thump spreading from her body to his hand.
“This heart only beats because you gave it the chance to. Were it not for you, there would be nothing but a black pit in here. I want to give a heart to those who now are as I once was.”
She was the abandoned illegitimate child, she knew what it was like to be abandoned, ignored and scorned by the world. The emptiness, the darkness inside, the sinking feeling as you just accepted it and let go of yourself. She wanted to save them from that.
When she saw Teresa come running in with that bleeding child, that was the thought that struck her. That child was like the past Alice, and this was her chance to be what Gabriel had been for her. The beating heart that he gave her, she could pass it on to others. What he made her, she would make others.
But there was more. More that she wanted, that she desired.
“I want the north, Gabriel. Beyond the Barong duchy. The frozen mountains, the glacial lands beyond it, I want them all, for that is where you were born.”
The lands where Gabriel became a person, the lands where Gabriel first truly looked at her, she wanted them. She wanted to hold them close and dear for all eternity. But still, there was more.
“But the north isn’t a good place to keep orphans, its not a good place to train adults or raise children. So I also want the south, the west, and the east, Gabriel. The Vritara duchy, even the lands beyond, I want every patch of land graced by the warmth of the sun. Wherever the wheat and flowers grow, wherever the forests shine verdant, I want it all. No matter where you and I stand under the bright and warm sun, I want us to be able to smile and say ‘We are home’.”
Home. For the Alice of the past, the word home was synonymous with a dark and cold room where she was locked up all alone, left to cry with no one to hear. For Gabriel it was a dreary and monochrome room, at times a cave, at times a car. Always bleak, always colorless, home was just another blot of ink on the page.
Alice wanted them both to have a better home, together.
“Gabriel Sakra Indra. My Gabriel. My angel. Help me.”
Gabriel’s hand felt numb. The pounding of Alice’s heart was transmitted directly to him through his hand, it reverberated throughout his entire body. It felt like fire in his palm, racing along his veins until it filled his very being.
Home.
A foreign word, to both him and her.
He could tell that she had been thinking about it for a while, she’d probably been working on the idea while he was still just a tool. How long had she been looking at him like that? Digging out his weaknesses so that she could cover them up one by one, fill his cracks until he became whole.
His hand clenched, clutching Alice’s dress. He wanted it. He wanted her. His elbow bent and he pulled her close, stealing her lips with his own. She gave him fire, she made him fire, and he felt that he could not go on unless he shared that with her, unless they were both fire. And within the flames, there was an answer.
“Let’s make a home.”