When Alice looked around, all she saw was fire. It rose all around her, crimson tongues reaching for the sky as they swallowed everything else. She could feel them on her skin, each fluttering of the wind bringing with it heat and ash that brushed against her.
It was strange. She felt the heat, the wind, even the thumping inn her chest, but she still felt as if she wasn’t experiencing it with her own body. It felt distant, disconnected. And yet… She felt it.
"HAHAHAHA!"
Laughter drowned out even the roars of the fire. Her own laughter. Her chest heaved with each breath as she couldn’t stop laughing. She was happy, ecstatic even.
"HAHAHAHAHA!"
The laughter simply wouldn’t stop as her feet moved, she sounded like a broken record. She didn’t seem to have control of ‘her’ body, she couldn’t even turn her head to look around, she just followed along with whatever it did. But she actually recognized her surroundings. The statue that had been flattened to dust, the painting that was turning to ash, the furniture that was fuelling the fire, she recognized it all.
"HAHAHAHAHA…HAHAH…HAHA…"
This was the Vritara estate, the eastern wing of the main mansion to be exact. This was where she spent… Well most of her life actually. The childhood spent hiding away in her room, the pre-teen and teenage years she spent in the hallways and rooms, who all seemed so much brighter after Gabriel arrived. This was her prison turned home.
"HAHAHAHA!"
And now, looking at it all burn, she couldn’t be happier. Flames poured out from her body as she walked, igniting everything that wasn’t already on fire. She didn’t have the fire affinity, but she could somehow instinctively tell how she was able to summon flames. Her spirit, of course. She had signed a contract with Agnaris so obviously she could summon as many flames as she wanted.
Screams mixed with the roaring flames as she walked. The maid that gave her mouldy bread. The butler that didn’t bring her proper nightwear for the winter so that she would freeze. The maid that didn’t help her light a fire during the winter so that she would freeze further. The cook that refused to bring food to her wing. The brother that always struck her, looked down on her, hated her, despised her, mocked her, abused her, hated her, made things difficult for her, blamed her for everything.
Burn. Burn. Burn. Burn. Burn. Burn them all, burn it all, reduce it all to ash. Burn, just burn. Ah… Just all of you become a bit of heat, the world is too cold to not warm it up with a bit of fire.
Her face felt warm. A bit strange to say with so much fire around, but her face really did feel warm, especially her eyes. There was also some pain in her abdomen, creeping up to her chest and settling in her lungs, but Alice had no control over this body so she couldn’t check what the source was.
No, she could only follow along as she kept walking, spewing fire to warm the cold winter just a little bit. More fire. More screams. More heat. Ah, finally she got a lovely and toasty winter.
Alice recognized where she was heading, and in her chest she could also feel why she as heading there. Her room. Her home. Her prison. Her nightmare. Her dream.
The door simply fell apart when she reached it, crumpling like paper as it was flattened. The room that unveiled itself… It was familiar yet strange at the same time.
She recognized the bed everything in the room, it was what she had used as a child. The same bed, the same curtains, the same carpet, the same furniture. But all of it looked a lot older than she remembered, worn and torn, ready to fall apart at the slightest touch. Yes, exactly as it should be, part of her said to her. But at the same time, it was all wrong. Gabriel had helped her change all of these things long ago, even now he was periodically helping her change the furniture to something fresher, more comforting. So… why was all this old stuff here? And why was it exactly as it should be?
"AHAHA…AHAha…Haha…"
The laughter was growing weaker, hoarser. Flames welled out from her feet and swallowed the room. The prison burned, the bars that kept her shackled burned. Ah, freedom, finally. The fire washed against the wall like a wave, tearing it down so that she could see the duchy beyond the estate.
Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. As far as the eye could see, there was fire. From the ground to the sky, from the clouds to the sun, from the sun to the ocean, there was nothing but fire. Everything burned. Everyone screamed.
The burning sky was cracking, fracturing as everything seemed to fall apart. The fire in the sky seemed to gather into tendrils beneath the fractures, stretching down towards the earth as they brought doom with them. Ah… The strings were burning, all that was left was for the marionettes to fall silent.
She walked over to the torn down wall, her steps slow, her feet dragging against the floor. Her arm raised, and Alice noticed that she seemed to be holding something.
"Look. Isn’t it beautiful? We couldn’t look at the fireworks of the Twin Moon Festival together because of that harlot, but isn’t this much prettier? It is, isn’t it?"
Her voice was ecstatic, if not deranged. Her head moved so Alice could get a look at what she was holding up. Ruffled black hair smeared with blood and ash, tanned skin that had been scorched, and dark pink eyes that had become somewhat muddled. She held up Caine Woodime by grasping his hair, displaying the burning duchy to him as if it was a work of art.
Some blood ran onto his head from her hand so it seemed like she was also wounded somewhere, probably the source of the pain. But that thought, or realisation, barely registered in Alice’s mind.
She felt sick. She couldn’t tell if it was mental or physical, but she felt sick. Disgusted to the very core of her being.
Looking at the man, who looked much older than the Caine she knew, yet it felt just right to see him like this, her heart thumped. She could feel her heart beat just from looking at him, heat spreading through her veins and loins with every breath she took. She wanted him. She needed him. She desired him. She had to have him. He was everything she needed.
And that sensation was what sickened her to no end. That man wasn’t Gabriel, he was just Caine. To feel something like that for him… Her body wanted to embrace him but that just made her want to hurl. It felt as if her mind was spinning and twisting violently, struggling with itself.
"Alice… It didn’t have to be like this…"
A weak voice came from the man she was dragging, Caine looking straight at her. The thumping in her chest got louder. Oh no, could he hear it? That intrusive thought made her want to hurl again. She wanted to scream, to protest, but ‘her’ body didn’t listen to her.
"You’re right, darling, it didn’t. If you’d just chosen me… If you’d just realized how much I loved you… If you just hadn’t gone over to that harlot pretending to be so prim and proper… Why couldn’t you love me?"
The beating got louder. Louder. Louder. Flames welled forth with each thump, the roaring of the flames rising in tune with her heart. The cold winter had to be pushed back, the cold heart had to be heated.
"…"
Caine didn’t answer her. Ah, you cruel man, why could you never answer me?
"She’s not what you think, that harlot. She’s lying to you, she has been all along. The one inside isn’t her, it’s just a replacement that took over. You didn’t know that, did you? She’s lied to you from the start, she’s done nothing but scheme and lie to get you on her side."
Ah, how she delighted in being able to tell him this. How many fingers didn’t she have to pluck before the harlot finally decided to tell her? How many times did she have to burn her eyes, cut at her tongue, tear at her nails, stab at her groin, prod her brain. But she spoke in the end, just like Azuras said she would. And oh how she relished in being able to tell Caine this, to break him like he broke her.
"…I know. I’ve known from the start, how couldn’t I? Alice, did you ever even consider that the one I care for might be the one replacement you speak of?"
She felt sick to her stomach when she saw him smile. Stop smiling. Don’t look like that in this moment. Be crushed, be broken, be hurt. You were betrayed, you were lied to. It hurt, it was awful, so why can’t you be as miserable as me?
"It’s okay, Alice…"
He turned his gaze away. How dare you stop looking at me? There’s nothing left but us, so how can you not look at me even now?
"We can always try again. Another time, another life. We can always just try it again. I’m not sure I want you to be happy, Alice, not after everything you’ve done to us again and again and again and again. But we can always try again, always try to do better. And perhaps there will be a life where even the undeserving you gets a smidgen of happiness. But it will never be with me, you monster."
Ah… no… Don’t call me that. Not you, not you, not you, not you, not you… Don’t call me that like the rest. More thumping, more fire rising. The sky kept cracking in the distance, tendrils of fire reaching down to the ground.
She did everything… She did it all, she followed every order, she committed every deed… So why wouldn’t he love me? Azuras, you promised… You said he’d love me… So why does he despise me so?
More fire. More flames. More heat. The dark winter night was alight with fire, more brilliant than any dawn. The duchy burned. The empire burned. The world burned. She did just as he said she had to, she did it all because she would be loved…
"HAAHAHAHAHAHAHA…"
More tendrils sank from the sky to swallow everything. Naturally, many of them also fell on the Vritara estate, torching that prison of hers. The fire obviously also reached this little room, this cold prison that just didn’t seem to get any warmer no matter what she did. The strings were burning, it was time for the marionettes to fall silent…
——
Alice jolted awake, lurching forward violently. No fire. No flames… No, she wasn’t even at the Vritara estate… Right, the carriage. She was currently in her carriage, heading back to the estate because the duke had called her back after the incident with the claw.
A dream… A horrible dream… It was so realistic that she could still feel the stinging of the flames, the violent thumping in her chest. The sickness in her stomach… The heat in her veins… It clung to her momentarily, like maggots to rotting meat. She couldn’t even recall when she had fallen asleep, the sensations of that disgusting dream were swirling in her head and leaving her mind a mess.
"…"
A soft breath caught her attention, her gaze rising. There, on the seat across from her, he sat. Silvery white hair that hung loosely, and they were closed right now but she could picture those violet eyes without seeing them. Right, he was on the carriage with her because his broken hands left him incapable of riding a horse.
Gabriel was sleeping but still sitting at attention, only his head was lowered as he breathed quietly. Right. Right, he was here. Right. He was right there. Right, that was just a dream, a disgusting mess, a nightmare unlike any other. It was nothing more, not now not ever.
But the sensations clung to her. That heat in her veins, that thumping in her chest. She wanted to hurl as she thought about them. Or perhaps she wanted to cry, she couldn’t even tell right away. She felt sick to the pit of her stomach.
"Excuse me…"
She got up from her seat with a quiet whisper, moving carefully so as to not wake the sleeping man. She sat down next to him, sticking close to him as she leaned her head on his shoulder. She took in his scent, pushing away the burnt smell in her nose, pushing down the sickening sensation in her stomach. She closed her eyes again as she leaned against him, allowing his scent to envelop her.
Right, it was just a nightmare. Just a horrible dream. The sensations, the old prison, the worn furniture, the empty room that had just her… Yeah, it was all just a nightmare, a horrible thing that had nothing to do with her.