Chapter 60 Her Courage
Translated by Twelve_Months_of_May
I said that your bowl is full of meat to eat, but you don’t eat it. Instead, you’re staring off at a pot of fatty meat.
Gu Mingxi didn’t tell Pang Qian about what his dad spoke to him about. He couldn’t say it out loud because it was really too humiliating.
He indulged and hid away in Pang Qian’s small room, enjoying her silent concern and embrace. Although he knew it didn’t mean anything with regards to her feelings for him, Gu Mingxi still enjoyed that bitterness sweetly.
When Pang Qian loosened her hold, the both of them were both a bit embarrassed. Gu Mingxi straightened back up and said lightly, “I’m going home.”
Pang Qian sent him to the door and said, “If there’s something making you unhappy, you can tell me.”
Gu Mingxi turned back to look at her and nodded.
When he returned home, Li Han was washing clothes. Seeing him enter the room, she didn’t ask anything, and just said, “You’re home.”
Gu Mingxi carried his backpack into his room. “Mom, I’m going to do my homework.”
Li Han answered casually. “Okay. Make sure to sleep earlier when you’re done. Don’t work on it until the middle of the night.”
Gu Mingxi returned to his room and dropped his backpack on the floor. He sat down on his desk and pulled out a thick envelope from his bag with his feet.
Inside the envelope was 10 thousand dollars. It was an allowance from Gu Guoxiang. When they were eating dinner, Gu Guoxiang said, “Mingxi, I’m not by your side anymore. If there’s anything you want to eat or play with, just buy it yourself. You’ve grown up. I don’t know how to take care of you, so you have to know how to take care of yourself.
And then, without allowing Gu Mingxi to refuse it, Gu Guoxiang had already stuffed the envelope into his bag.
The reason he came to find Gu Mingxi was to help him encourage Li Han about something.
It was an incredulous thing.
Gu Guoxiang’s opening remark was, “Mingxi, do you want me to come home?”
Yes, of course yes.
Gu Mingxi knew that there were still lingering feelings between his father and mother. He also knew that his accident had dealt a huge blow to Gu Guoxiang, one that he’d never recovered from even after ten plus years. The rift between Gu Guoxiang and Li Han wasn’t unrelated to his serious disability.
Gu Mingxi’s head was originally lowered, as he concentrated on using his chopsticks to eat. After hearing this question, he lifted his head and asked, “Dad, are you willing to come home?”
Gu Guoxiang lit up a cigarette. He took off the glasses resting on the bridge of his nose and placed them onto the table. He looked across the table at Gu Mingxi. He really was already a grown-up kid. His facial features were lively, and he was nearly as tall as himself. Gu Guoxiang rubbed his eyebrows and said, “Of course I want to go home. I miss you and your mom too. It’s just that now… I’d like if you could help me with something. Go home and try to convince your mom about this, and then I promise that I’ll be able to stay with you guys. From now on, the slate is clean. We won’t bring this up again.”
Gu Mingxi asked curiously, “What is it?”
And then Gu Guoxiang told his plan to Gu Mingxi.
He had decided to have another child, regardless of whether it was a boy or a girl. After the child was born, he would give the mother a sum of money. The woman promised to never come back for the child. Gu Guoxiang said he would bring the child home and he and Li Han would raise him or her together. The child would be registered as Gu Guoxiang and Li Han’s, because they were allowed a second child under the current laws. As long as he had this child, Gu Guoxiang could promise that he would never commit the same wrong he’d committed previously.
He would return home and be devoted to his wife and child. He wouldn’t be disloyal again.
As an almost grown man, Gu Mingxi was someone who had always understood things. He knew that he didn’t have the right to make a decision on behalf of Li Han. Of course he wanted his parents to get back together, and even to have a healthy child together. But hearing these words from Gu Guoxiang, Gu Mingxi’s heart froze.
Gu Guoxiang actually thought that Li Han would be willing to raise a child that he and some other woman had created as long as he returned home. Gu Guoxiang felt that he and Li Han still had feelings for each other. After he had a healthy child that carried his blood, everything could start over, what had passed was in the past. Maybe it really was male chauvinism at work. Gu Mingxi looked at his father’s guiltless face, his pleasant and eloquent speaking, as if this solution was reasonable and even perfect.
Gu Mingxi asked, “Dad, why did you come to find me? Why didn’t you just go directly to Mom?”
“I mentioned it to her before, but she didn’t agree to it.” Gu Guoxiang seemed as if he couldn’t understand Li Han’s stubbornness on the matter. “I told her that I must have another child. No matter who births him, I must have another one. If your mother could accept this child, then the four of us would be able to live well together. I wouldn’t mistreat you. When you’re looking for a job, or you’re getting married and need a house, I can help you. You’re my, Gu Guoxiang’s, son. I won’t let you live poorly. But your mother couldn’t accept this proposal. If it’s like that, then the only thing left for the two of us is divorce. But divorce, for me, for her, for you, isn’t a good solution! Especially for you, Mingxi. I told your mother that even if she didn’t think about it for herself, she should at least consider you. If you leave me, how will your future turn out?”
After hearing this speech, Gu Mingxi could only give Gu Guoxiang the following response, “Dad, I’m sorry. I think you should go directly to Mom to talk about this. I respect Mom’s opinion. If she agrees, I won’t say anything about it. If she doesn’t agree, then I definitely won’t try to convince her.”
Gu Guoxiang didn’t talk about it again. After they finished eating, he drove Gu Mingxi back to the Golden Compound. Gu Guoxiang got off the car and helped Gu Mingxi put his backpack on. He asked, “Are you busy with school recently?”
Gu Mingxi said, “It’s alright.”
“What was your ranking after the last final exam?”
Gu Mingxi lowered his head, “12th.”
“How did you regress so much?!” Gu Guoxiang let out a sigh. Seeing his son’s handsome face, he couldn’t help reaching out to ruffle his hair. “Next year is the college entrance exam. You have to work hard.”
Gu Mingxi nodded. Gu Guoxiang looked over and saw Gu Mingxi’s empty sleeves hanging at his side. As if the sight stung his eyes, he tore his gaze away.
“I’m going. If you or your mom need anything, just call me.” After he said that, he got into his car.
Gu Mingxi stood by the road and watched his father’s car drive into the busy street, quickly disappearing in the traffic.
He suddenly realized that his father may never return home again.
2002 was the World Cup. It took place in Japan and South Korea, and China made it to the finals. For the football fans, not having to rearrange their sleeping schedule (to watch the game) and having the Chinese team compete was like a grand feast that only came once in a lifetime.
The World Cup started on May 31st. The semester wasn’t over yet, so the Year 3 students were busy prepping for the college entrance exam and were unable to watch the game. The Year 1 and 2 students didn’t have to follow suit though.
When Pang Qian was practicing in the gym, her mind was pretty absent. Her sights always flitted over to Xie Yi. He was wearing a white China jersey. Although the national team players would have smelly feet, their uniforms weren’t bad looking. Xie Yi’s clothes were white as snow, and he looked so picturesque and unrivaled.
Zheng Qiaoqiao threw a ping pong ball at Pang Qian’s head. “Stop looking! Your eyeballs are going to fall out!”
Pang Qian went to pick up the ball. When she returned, she grabbed Zheng Qiaoqiao’s arm and quietly said, “Xie Yi’s really handsome today.”
“Xie Yi’s handsome every day.” Zheng Qiaoqiao pointed off the court with her paddle. “Hey, (your family’s) Gu Mingxi’s also handsome.”
Pang Qian laughed. “Of course, (my family’s) Gu Mingxi is also very handsome.”
Gu Mingxi was waiting for Pang Qian to finish practice so that they could go home together. His head was down as he memorized his English. Zheng Qiaoqiao was swept away by how admirable he was. She turned back to see Pang Qian unperceptive face. She clenched her teeth and said, “Really blessed without knowing it.”
Pang Qian didn’t understand, “What did you say?”
“I said that your bowl is full of meat to eat, but you don’t eat it. Instead, you’re staring off at a pot of fatty meat.”
Pang Qian gave her a strange look. “What are you saying. How come I don’t understand it?”
Zheng Qiaoqiao couldn’t be bothered with her anymore.
After practice finished, Xie Yi walked off to the side to pack up his things. Pang Qian walked over to Gu Mingxi and helped him put away his English book. Xie Yi was watching the two of them when he suddenly decided to walk over. He said to Pang Qian, “Crab, China’s playing Brazil on Saturday. Come over to my place to watch it.”
Pang Qian immediately blanked. She stuttered out, “Wh-what time? Wh-who else is going?”
Xie Yi said a few names of the girls and boys in their class. “8 PM.”
Pang Qian was flattered and overwhelmed. Just as she was about to nod and reply, Gu Mingxi spoke up. “It’s late at night. It’ll be nearly 11 PM when the game finishes, and it’s not safe for girls to be out so late at night.”
Pang Qian felt that what he said made sense, so her heart felt conflicted. Xie Yi immediately said, “Then you should come along, Gu Mingxi. When the game’s over, I’ll have our driver send you guys home. You and Pang Qian live in the same place, right?”
Gu Mingxi looked at him suspiciously. Xie Yi had already put on his backpack. “Then it’s decided. Crab knows the way. You should come earlier too. We’re having a barbecue in the yard, so we can eat up first before the game.”
When he finished, he winked at Pang Qian and swung his bike (lock) keys around his finger, before heading off.
Pang Qian looked at Gu Mingxi and asked, “Are you going?”
Gu Mingxi returned, “Do you want to go?”
Pang Qian’s face reddened. “Nonsense. (As in, it’s nonsense because the answer is obviously yes.)”
Gu Mingxi said, “Then I’ll go with you. I’d be worried if you had to go home alone.”
Pang Qian immediately smiled. “I just knew it. Gu Mingxi, you’re the best!”
On Saturday afternoon, looking a bed piled high with tops and pants, Pang Qian’s excitement grew.
Sometimes she would wonder if she was a bit special, to Xie Yi.
First of all, they went to the same elementary school, junior high, and high school. In junior high, they were in the same class for all three years. In high school, they’d also been in the same class for a year. When you were talking about being classmates with him, Pang Qian was the girl who had been classmates with him the longest.
Next, Xie Yi taught her how to play ping pong, and he even let her enter the team. In junior high, Xie Yi would organize weekend outings like going to the ice rink, playing games at the rec hall, hiking, etc., and he would invite Pang Qian along. In high school, he even invited her to his house to hang out.
Finally, there were the little secrets between Pang Qian and Xie Yi.
The first time was when she told him that she liked hearing him play the violin. Xie Yi wasn’t planning on performing in the arts festival that year, but because of her, he went on stage.
The second was at the Shanghai comic convention. Xie Yi happily brought Pang Qian to meet the cartoon artists, and he even asked them to sign things for her. When the two of them took photos together, he would ambiguously leave his hand on her shoulder.
The third was that because of Gu Mingxi. Xie Yi helped Pang Qian tail Gu Mingxi to Shark’s barbecue shop, and even went back to the school to get her. That evening, Gu Mingxi had made her extremely angry. She had a big cry in front of Xie Yi, and he sent her home, comforting her that Gu Mingxi would return to normal.
And then Gu Mingxi really returned. Because of this, Pang Qian felt that her relationship had grown more with Xie Yi. After the two of them became classmates, they started talking together a lot more. When Xie Yi and Xiao Yujing were fighting because of their violin duet, he would go to her to talk about it.
Pang Qian rummaged through her dresser and picked out a pretty dress. It was white with floral print and it had a scallop edge. She changed and stood in front of her mirror. She twirled around in a circle and imagined if Xie Yi would consider her pretty.
After she changed her clothes, Pang Qian and Gu Mingxi left together. As they walked to the bus stop, she asked him, “Hey, do I look nice today?”
Gu Mingxi looked at her and nodded, “Yeah, nice.”
Pang Qian giggled, and daringly told Gu Mingxi her plan.
She said, “Gu Mingxi, I decided to confess to Xie Yi.”