Chapter 61 ?Butterfly Effect
Translated by Twelve_Months_of_May
If you think it’s weird, you can close your eyes.
Gu Mingxi stopped in his tracks.
Pang Qian walked a few steps forward, then turned back. “What’s wrong?”
Gu Mingxi asked, “How are you planning to confess?”
“I’m just going to tell him that I like him.” Pang Qian laughed out loud. “In any case, so many girls have already said the same thing. Adding another from me won’t make a difference.”
She bounced back to Gu Mingxi’s side and looked up at his face. “Xie Yi’s currently the top student in our class. His grades are really good. I think that next semester, he might join your class. When that happens, we won’t be in the same class anymore. And since the Year 3 students don’t have to go to ping pong practice anymore, I won’t be able to see him there either. Even if he rejects me, it won’t be awkward. I just thought that, having liked him for so many years, I should at least have closure on it.”
Gu Mingxi lowered his head and thought for a moment. He said, “Although Xie Yi’s heard it many times, it’s still your first time saying it.”
“Huh?” Pang Qian didn’t understand. “Saying what?”
“Saying ‘I like you.'”
“Oh, yeah, that’s right.” Pang Qian finally blushed. She quickly raised her hands to cover her cheeks. “Ey, Gu Mingxi, you’re the worst. After you said it like that, I’m all nervous!”
Then you should just get rid of this idea, he thought.
They were standing on the side of the street, and occasionally, there were people or vehicles passing by. The sun was shining strongly, and the sweat on Gu Mingxi’s forehead was dripping down his face. He suddenly heard Pang Qian say, “Gu Mingxi, why don’t you help me practice a little.”
He looked at her strangely. “Practice?”
“Yeah. I’ll pretend that you’re Xie Yi, and practice the things I want to say to him to you first.” Pang Qian spoke shyly, “Actually, I already practiced to the mirror at home, but saying it to a real person will definitely be more nerve-racking…”
He suddenly cut her off, “Okay.”
“Huh?”
“I said okay, I’ll help you practice.” Gu Mingxi’s lips slowly pulled into a smile. His tone was both serious and playful, and Pang Qian couldn’t tell what was real and what wasn’t. He said, “In any case, there have been girls who have confessed to me before. I’m definitely more experienced than you.”
Hearing him say this, Pang Qian retreated. “Ah! no, you’ll definitely laugh at me.”
He said gently, “I won’t laugh at you. I can help you and tell you what a boy would rather hear.”
“Really?” Pang Qian looked at him suspiciously. “Right now? Here?”
Gu Mingxi nodded. “Yeah, right now, here.”
Pang Qian covered her face again. “Maybe not. It’s really weird.”
“You’re the one who came up with the idea.” Gu Mingxi said quietly, “If you think it’s weird, you can close your eyes.”
Pang Qian stared at him for a bit, and then really closed her eyes.
She stood in front of Gu Mingxi, in her white floral dress, carrying a canvas shoulder bag, and a pair of white sandals on her feet. Her long hair was tied up in a bun behind her head, a chopstick accessory inserted into it. It was obvious that she had dressed up with great consideration.
Gu Mingxi looked at her slightly blushed cheeks and the glistening sweat beads on her nose under the blazing sun. He heard Pang Qian start quietly, “Xie Yi, I want to tell you something…”
A laugh suddenly escaped from Gu Mingxi. Pang Qian opened her eyes and glared at him. She reached out to pinch his waist. “You said you wouldn’t laugh at me! You laughed!”
Gu Mingxi hid from her and pleaded, “Sorry, sorry. Please change out the name for now, otherwise I’ll laugh.”
“Change the name?” Pang Qian asked. “But I’m going to confess to Xie Yi.”
“Then you can just not say the name.”
“It’ll be really weird that way!”
“Then why don’t you just try it out with my name?” Gu Mingxi tried. “Later on, you can just change the name.”
“…” Pang Qian pouted as she looked at him. Then she closed her eyes, thought for a long time, and then slowly started, “I wanted to tell you something… Gu Mingxi, I like you.”
–Mm, Pang Qian, I like you too.
And thus, Pang Qian stood in front of Gu Mingxi with her eyes closed, as she slowly started to say the words that she wanted to tell a different boy. Gu Mingxi had accompanied her through much of that sentimental, sweet but sour past.
The street beside them was busy, the honking of cars occasionally flitting into their ears. As the pedestrians passed by, they would glance over at Gu Mingxi. A young man, wearing a short sleeved t-shirt, with a tall stature, broad shoulders, and a pair of long legs, but no arms. He was like a tall, straight tree, standing there in front of a young girl, looking at her closed eyes and eyelashes, listening to her spill a story out of her heart.
“I noticed you back in primary school. Every year, you would have a violin performance on the stage, and you would wear a very cool suit. That’s when I thought that you were special.”
–When did I start liking you? I’m not really sure. All I know is that, even though we go to school together and sit together every day, I’ve never felt tired (of being together). I like being with you, and I want to see you at every moment. When you’re beside me, I feel completely at ease. When you asked me if you had to accommodate me in everything you did, that was the first time that I realized you had already grown tired without me noticing.
“In junior high, when we were in the same class, you don’t know how happy I was. You were the 1st ranked in the year, you were so amazing, and I seemed to be more proud than you. And then when I sat in front of you, you even taught me how to play ping pong. For me, it was just like a dream.”
–The morning after my mother’s miscarriage, when I was walking to school by myself and turned around and saw you, I also felt like I was dreaming. You were standing there, smiling at me. At the time, it had already been a long time since you smiled at me. I even remember what you were wearing then. It was a purple-pink dress. You stood there with a giant backpack on your back. Even though the situation between my parents left me feeling terrible, when I saw your smile, I felt like I wasn’t scared of anything. I knew that my Pang Pang was back by my side. I thought, I had to work harder. In many aspects, I couldn’t beat out other people, but I could use all my efforts to study and to help you study. My dad once said that studying was the most fair way for a kid from a regular family to change their life. He was an example of this. So, I think that if I want to be able to give you something when we’re older, I have to work harder now.
“Do you still remember the comic convention that summer? In order to go to Shanghai to see you, I made a bet with my dad, that I could get into the top 10 of our class after the final exams. And I really did it. I was really happy to see you and hang out with you in Shanghai. Our photo together and the autographs from the comic authors are really precious to me.”
–Whatever your dreams, I’m willing to exhaust all my efforts to help you achieve them. You wanted to go to Shanghai, so I went with you. You were resolved to get into a top high school, so I helped you study. You wanted to play ping pong with Xie Yi, so I let you go and wouldn’t hold you back. When your grades dropped, I moved back to your side and promised to bring them back up. You said you wanted to go to Shanghai, to get into Fudan, which really is a bit difficult. But I believe that with our joint efforts, getting into a good university in Shanghai is a real possibility.
“Being able to go to the same school and even end up in the same class as you, I felt that you and I had some fate. Xie… Gu Mingxi, maybe next semester, we won’t be in the same class anymore. You’re working hard, and I’m working hard too. I don’t know what kind of university you’ll get into in the future, and maybe we’ll lose contact after that. But right now, I still want to tell you what I’m feeling inside.”
–A tragedy has fallen onto my family. From the day I lost my arms, the “family” behind me started to slowly collapse. Pang Pang, do you know, the thing that I don’t want to think about the most is whether or not you feel responsible for turning me into a cripple. When we were younger, we never talked about these kinds of things. Last year, when I was sick over the New Year’s, you apologized about this to me. Although I said that I forgave you, but the truth is, I really, really never blamed you for it.
At the time, we were both young, and we didn’t understand anything. After that accident, my entire life changed, but I didn’t feel that my future had been ruined. In fact, I never had any grand dreams. I just hoped that I would do my best and be self-reliant with my own craft or undertaking. And then form a family with the person that I loved, have a child, and live a warm and serene life together.
I hoped that person would be you, but I didn’t hope for it excessively, because life comes with many changes. A butterfly flapping its wings in a South American rain-forest can cause a tornado in the state of Texas two weeks later. So, I wanted to tell you that about all this, I won’t insist.
You’ve grown up, so I won’t cling to the idea that you have to stay by my side. Of course, I’ll still be with you now, and I would like to continue doing so. I just think that one day, I’ll realize that you don’t need me there anymore. You’ll have a life completely of your own. And I think that when that happens, I will be willing to leave.
“Xie… Oh, annoying… Gu Mingxi, I really like you.”
–My dearest Pang Pang, the girl I’ve always been beside who’s always been beside me, I also really like you.