Three Hundred And Fifty-One / Side One Hundred And Twenty-Nine – Mori Eri – R18/Contains sex
After returning from the prison I had a small headache. What a day. Daiyu was somewhat pleased, still reading through the materials that the Diamond Mountain Sect had provided. On my return, Eri greeted me, but after some small talk, I decided to lie down for an hour, since I had been working so hard recently I hadn’t slept in days.
… Choking… endless poisonous gas… the ground erupts, volcanic plumes of mud and sulfureous smoke rising into the sky. Staggering on burning feet, my skin blistering, I stumbled onwards, chunks of pumice and darkly glinting obsidian raining down around me. The sky was dark, and as I stumbled against the edge of the dark, jagged rocks, my flesh tore. Blood splattered down and I stumbled, reaching out as I fell.
The impact jarred my bones, which shouldn’t have been possible, with my stats it should have been no more than a flea-bite, but somehow, it was different. My hand sank into water which reeked of iron, sulphur and other minerals, and as the ripples in the water caused by my fall diminished I could see the surface of the pond settle, and reflected within was the moon, so big, so bright…
… waits. Break the prison. Else … … lose … Yagyō … … … bring together … else … cannot defeat … alone.
A mysterious voice, hard to place as either male or female echoed in my mind, but some words were drowned out by static. Pulling myself to my feet, the blood from my torn flesh seeping into the water, obscuring the moon, forming strange, otherworldly shapes that were hard to interpret, I looked up, to see a shiny boulder, ringed with sacred shimenawa, the rope itself covered with talismans. My Eye flared a brilliant orange, and for a moment the blood in the lake resolved into a frightening, demonic visage, and the stone itself…
I woke up with a fiercer headache than when I went to sleep, trying to catch fragments of my dream. The moon was in it, reflected in water, which made me believe it was a prophetic one, but it was hardly clear, not at all. “Damn, if this is what Tsukiko-san had to go through, no wonder she was so frightened.” I looked up at her spirit light, which was still drinking in my aether. Around it gathered other soul lights, of Shaeula's precious weaselkin, those we could save. Damn, I have a foul taste in my mouth.
Walking to the kitchen, I saw Shiro sitting there, nursing a beer. On seeing me she raised an eyebrow sardonically. “Eri wasn’t kidding. You do look like shit, Aki. Want to talk to big sis about it? Pull up a pew and grab a beer.” She gestured to the chair.
“Big sis? You’re younger than me, and don’t even try to tell me you have more life experience.” I snorted, but took her up on her invitation. Grabbing a beer I drank deep, trying to wash away the bad taste that was clearly all in my head.
“Sure, but you already have a little sister who I can’t compete with.” Shiro protested. “So why even try? I’ll go for older sister instead at times like these. As for life experience… you were hardly such a font of wisdom, Aki. Sure, you did your best to smooth things out for us at times back in the day, you and Hayato, but… well, hit me with it. What’s wrong?”
What is wrong? No, I can’t lie to myself. I know what’s wrong. I made a decision in Kyoto, and I wanted to stick to that. I said I wasn’t going to be weak, be pushed around, take shit from anyone anymore, but…
“Shiro, what’s justice?” I asked.
“Well, where the hell did that come from? Oh, wait, I think I get it.” Shiro sighed. “You’ve been visiting the prisoners we took from Kyoto, right? Daiyu mentioned it too.”
“Yeah. I… you didn’t see the dead, did you? I did, my Eye saw their bodies. It… it reminded me of last time I failed in Kyoto. Of Mine-san dying in my arms, of the trainees. Shit, I…” Suddenly my head was pulled into Shiro’s chest. For a moment I struggled to breathe, before I realised I could hear her heartbeat. It was slow, soothing, and for a moment my thoughts stopped.
“I get it, Aki. I do. But we all agreed you did what you could. We did what we could. We stopped the attack, gained Divine Favours, and saved a lot of lives. We’re not Gods, Aki. Well, Tan kind of is.” She chuckled dryly. “Even Tan couldn’t stop everyone.”
“I know. I know.” I wasn’t explaining myself properly. Concentrating on my Resilience, which was calming my emotions, I struggled against it, just as when I was with Hinata, allowing my true, unbuffered feelings to leak free. Doing so hurt, the sick feeling returning, and I closed my eyes, feeling Shiro’s hand ruffling my hair.
“Well I don’t know. I’m not Haru. I won’t know unless you tell me, Aki. What’s up? Feeling guilty? I suppose that’s natural. But I’ve no sympathy for them. They came, they fought, they died. It was us or them.”
“But… they were under enslavement, at least some of them.” I muttered. “I mean, they still had choices, cruel ones, but…”
“Aki, could you kill innocents to save yourselves. Men, children. Women?”
“Normally children should be last.” I protested weakly.
“Yeah well, this is Aki the harem king we are talking about. Women seem to tug on your heartstrings more. You just love meddling.”
“I’m not an idiot.” I protested, still in her embrace. “I don’t lose all reason just because it’s a woman. As for your question…” I imagined it. “No. I think I’d choose death. If my hands were covered in blood, I doubt I could live with myself.”
“Me? Well, I’m not so sure.” Shiro answered, surprising me. “What? I was the one who was prepared to help Tan rule the world. You said it yourself. If she wanted, needed to sacrifice a town, all the people within… I’d have been a party to that. Would… would you have stopped me, Aki? Fought me?”
I thought about it, and though it caused me pain, I nodded. “I would have. I wouldn’t want you to live with that on your conscience, that shadow in your heart.”
“Even if I ended up dying?” she pressed me, and as I listened to her heartbeat, which had sped up a little, I really considered it.
“I… I could.” I muttered, hating myself for that truth. “But… if you died, I think I would follow you. Atonement.”
“Shit, stupid Aki, that’s totally the wrong answer!” Shiro slammed her fist into my head, and it hurt. I looked up, still in her embrace, as she struck me again. Her hair and eyes were flaming red, as she used Tan’s strength to be able to injure me. Another blow struck, and another, until I grabbed her hand.
“Aki, let me punish you, moron, idiot, Yasu!” she spat, tears running down her cheeks, but I shook my head, tightening my grip.
“No. Your knuckles are bleeding. I don’t want you to hurt yourself…” I trickled in Ether Healing as she struggled to pull free.
“Well, you’re doing a shitty job of that. Right Eri, Shaeula?” she called, and the two of them entered, Shaeula wheeling Eri in, dreadful expressions on their faces. “My heart is bleeding right now. Shit. Fuck!” She used more vile language than usual. “If you die, who’ll look after the others? You chose the hard path of the harem, so losing a girl or two along the way… that doesn’t give you the right to abandon the others. Shitty idiot! I guess it’s good to see you haven’t changed, despite getting stronger and cooler, you’re still dumb, stupid self-sacrificing Aki.”
“If you leave me, I’ll follow. Even to heaven or hell.” Eri promised, dark eyes glittering. “I’m frustrated, but I get it. But… if the choice came to my life or somebody else’s, I’d choose mine.”
“I too. Living is cruel.” Shaeula sniffed. “I do not-not say this lightly, but those I cherish shall always matter more to me than those I do not-not.”
“What about Aiko too? You’d abandon her, leave her behind? You jerk!” Eri cried, as angry as I’d ever seen her.
“You admitted for us you could kill a thousand lives, a world’s worth of lives, if it meant we were smiling, isn’t that right Tan?” Shiro chimed in, and I remembered that.
“Yes. You are quite the hypocrite, but I do not hate it. The Buddha forgives many sins, but he does not know love. I believe you have the better bargain. Now, my answer. You cannot die easily, for if you do, those lives you would have saved would outweigh the loss. You are one of Tyr’s indeed.” She snorted, the sound like ripping silk. “He always did love sacrifice. But your desire for that binds you. It wars with your need to protect those you love against all foes. After all, Tyr knows not love, only duty. And you expect the same of others, it seems.”
“It was the same in Nishimorioka!” Eri shouted, raging. “Ugh, I wanted you to talk to me about your worries. I thought we agreed to communicate!”
“I did!” I shouted back, my feelings coming loose. “But I don’t know just what I’m feeling, what the right answer is! I’m angry, all right! Angry at myself for coming up short. Tsukiko-san still died! Chosen were lost, Kyoto was ravaged! I’m angry at the stupid fuckers who dug up grudges more than half a century old, hatred for those Japanese that aren’t even alive anymore. I’m angry at the golden-eyed devourer, who started this mess, and I’m angry at … fuck. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t kill an innocent to save my life. Let alone a thousand, more.”
“One of Tyr’s, most definitely. Though your vengeful streak does appeal.” Tan purred, only for Shiro to get angry, her hair flowing to white, her eyes darkening.
“Shut the hell up Tan, that sounded awfully like flirting.” She pouted. “I hate saying it, but she’s right though. You’re pissed off. I get it. I’m pissed off too. We won, but… we were nearly killed by that damn blob. It took our magical super combo attack to defeat it. If that failed… well, some of us would likely have died.”
“it seems to me that you are struggling to understand your true-true feelings.” Shaeula muttered, reaching out to join Shiro in stroking my hair. “Well, understand this well. We will not-not hate you, no matter what you decide. Be it for good or for ill, we shall stand by your side.”
“You promised me you’d stop me becoming a tyrant.” I accused, hating myself a little for my pettiness.
“Wow.” Eri quoted my sister in monotone, sounding very disappointed. “If Aiko was here now, she’d be aghast at her awesome big brother being such a god-damn moonstone!” Her voice rose angrily at the end. “A tyrant? Bullshit. Nobody does more than you, Akio. Even when it hurts you. You’re only human. You hate feeling powerless, you hate that you don’t have all the answers.”
“Nobody has all answers.” Tan spoke up again. “Not even He Who Sits Upon The Throne, who claims omniscience, knows all. Else the Territory He commands would not be fraught so, as is ours. Some questions have many answers, none correct, merely… the best one can do.”
“But… I’m angry.” I repeated. “Why did people have to die?”
“Why does anyone die?” Shiro sighed. “I was dying. Now I’m not. But an earthquake could hit tomorrow and Tokyo could see a hundred thousand dead. Sure, that’s not what you mean, it wasn’t a conscious thing, you can’t judge an earthquake, can you? But dead is dead. Maybe I’m cold, callous… if I wasn’t selfish like that I’d never have accepted Tan. But… talk to us, Aki. Don’t make me ask Daiyu. She’s still looking up to you as some sort of hero. Only we should know your fragile side for now.”
As the three girls surrounded me, I sighed. I guess I’m defeated. I was trying to bear the pain alone. I thought it was my decision to make, what to do with those who surrendered. To… take the burden of the sins on myself. To sacrifice. Shit, I guess I really am compatible with Tyr. Why the hell can’t I use his Favour?
“Fine. Beer then. Eri, you in?” I asked, and she nodded, looking less annoyed.
“I don’t like it so much, but I’ll not be left out. I’m first wife, after all. When my husband is hurting, I should be there!” she paused. “I can call Aiko too, she can give you a pep-talk.”
“No way. Leave her out of it. I don’t want her to have to suffer yet. Being a Chosen is hard, painful. And oftentimes we have to do things that aren’t good… and I hate that. Being a hero isn’t heroic at all.” I sighed, opening a beer and handing it to Eri, who took it with her good hand. Shaeula had also opened some whiskey, and the three of them were looking at me expectantly.
“Just what’s right? I don’t know. Legally… being compelled at risk of your own life isn’t a valid reason to kill others. And even if she didn’t hold the knife, Nie Ling… she threw them at the knives. It’s the same in the end. She admitted it. She brought them to their deaths to save herself. I… I couldn’t accept that. The right thing to do is to die…”
“Really?” Shiro said coldly. “The right thing to do is die? If our lives were on the line, could you do what she did to save us?”
“I… you’d hate me for it, you wouldn’t want…”
“I wouldn’t want you to suffer. But I want to live, with you. I’d never hate you for it, blame you for it!” Eri insisted. “I’m not saying she’s right, that any of them are. They were clearly wrong. But… is it so wrong to want to live? I had to fight for my life against that Kijo. In the end I killed her. I’m not sorry. Her or me. I chose me. Us!”
Shiro turned to Shaeula, a wry expression on her face. “Is it me, or did Eri take the good part?”
“She has grown quite-quite bold. I rejoice to see it.” Shaeula laughed.
“So, what’s the problem? You want to punish her for her sins? If that’s what you think is right, do it. I don’t know whether it’s a sin or not. Killing is wrong, but surviving… who can blame her for that?” Eri pressed me.
“Well, when I saved her from being devoured, I was surrounded by the dead. At the time, I asked for information, her Favour and to face Japanese justice in exchange for removing the slime from her. The thing is…”
“How would you even judge her under the law?” Shiro muttered. “Well, I mean, from a logical standpoint, you’ve made a deal. You can remove the Favour? I mean, I can get you to Rank 10 Chirurgery, right? There’s no way you’d screw it up and kill her.”
“I may have said it to scare her, but… I’m certain that I can remove it and fix her network back to a perfect one.” I didn’t want to go back on the deal I made. After all, we need Favours, just like Yamato-san’s and the others we’ve taken. I could find someone who could save many lives with it. That would be balancing the scales, justice. But…
“Clearly you do not entirely wish to do this.” Shaeula shrugged. “Then do not-not.”
“It’s not that simple. I… I honestly don’t know.”
“I’m calling Aiko. Only she can talk sense into you now.” Eri protested. “In fact…” she smirked as I reached out to stop her. “I already did while Shaeula was talking.”
Oh Eri… “Fine. Hi sis. Sorry to bother you…”
“It’s no bother. But Eri sent me a message earlier saying you feel down and need a sister’s love. You siscon you! Well, never let it be said your darling little sister won’t answer the call. So… what’s up?”
“You see…” I poured my heart out, explaining about the deaths being caused by Nie Ling, the fact that she was bound by the golden-eyed devourer, and that she chose to sacrifice others, even potentially starting a world war, all to save herself. For a long moment there was silence, then I heard a strange crunching noise, before my sis spoke again.
“Bro, you owe me a new desk.”
“What?” I asked, puzzled.
“You owe me a new desk, big bro moonstone. I got so pissed off I punched it, but my strength now pulverised it. Now you listen, and you listen good. What the fucking hell are you thinking, dumbass?” She swore violently. “Isn’t it obvious you’re making a bad choice here? I thought you were supposed to be smart. This is Miyu-san all over again, isn’t it?
What? “No, it’s nothing alike.” I shook my head. “Miyu was seeking freedom from… oh. I see. It is a little similar. But Miyu did nothing wrong, whereas…”
“Yeah, people died. I get that you’d rather die than do that yourself, bro. You’re strong-willed, kind, annoyingly self-sacrificing and plenty stupid. But… this girl sounds like an ordinary, cowardly girl, afraid of her own death, no, worse than death. You can’t expect her to make a hard decision like you would. Damn, let me ask you a question. If it was me who was caught by the damn blob, would you ask me to be destroyed, do the right thing?”
I opened my mouth to say she should, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t lie to my sister, and with my Resilience suppressed, I teared up.
“Thought so. Me, Eri, Shaeula, the others… you’d rather we lived, even with bloody hands, soiled souls, right? Hypocrite, you are such a hypocrite, bro. But seriously, that’s why I love you. Look, if you don’t know what to do… don’t make a decision you can’t reverse. Take your time, think about it. Really, I feel for the poor girl. I think… I could make the same decision as you, bro, and I’d rather die than be a murderer, but… that’s because I’m your sister, and I look up to you bro, and want to make you proud. She doesn’t have that tie. All she wanted to do was save herself, so yeah, she holds some blame. But… how much? That’s the thing. But that aside… whatever her sins, whatever judgement she deserves, if punishing her is going to hurt you bro, then just don’t do it.”
Around me, everyone nodded. Hurt me? Really?
There’s certainly a life after death in some sense, as Haru-san proves. Kin Restoration as well. I don’t excuse her actions at all, and I’ll risk her life to take her Favour, but… there was definitely more to this. My own words from earlier came back to me. Yes, I believed she had done wrong, judged from my standpoint, and indeed the laws of the land. The dead deserved closure. But then, I was pushing my own sense of righteousness and willingness to self-sacrifice onto her. I still believed that was right, but could I make the same choice for my sis, Eri or anyone else I cared deeply about? I don’t think I can. I am a hypocrite. Shiro was right too. She would have done the same or worse, if things had been just a little different… and she’s forgiven. Well, intent isn’t the same as action, but…
“Seriously, why couldn’t she have been a man?” My sis exclaimed, and I was snapped out of my thoughts.
“Yes, that would make life easier.” Eri agreed.
“Yeah, no question. Aki’s a soft touch to women.”
“That is quite-quite correct. Though he has toughened up regarding this matter recently, he does still not-not have the strength to easily forsake them.”
“Really, that’s what you think of me? Were she a man or a woman, the dilemma would be the same!” I protested.
“Yeah, but your mood and heart wouldn’t suffer so. Just admit it. Harem protags always save the girl when they can.” Shiro insisted.
“Well, now I’ve said my piece, I’m going to explain to mom and dad how I shattered my desk. You better cheer up and get this sorted. Too much is riding on you. Too many lives. If you hate what happened, try harder to stop it happening again, all right? And… whatever choice you make, I’ll support you. I’m not sure what I’d do, but I think it’s wrong to make a decision that just hurts yourself. And… I sympathise with her. I really do. Dying for the sake of others isn’t easy. If I had a choice between putting an arrow in you bro, or a random, innocent bystander… I might struggle to hold to my principles. At least remember that when you decide. Sacrifice is noble, but… life is all we have, right?”
Before I could answer she hung up.
“There’s no right or wrong, no absolute justice. It’s a myth, Aki. Go with your gut.” Shiro said into the silence.
“Your anger and sorrow is not-not a good guide. I believe that you did delay seeing the prisoners for quite-quite a while due to knowing your heart and mind are in disarray. Well, decide in haste-haste, repent in leisure.”
“I think this Nie Ling needs to take responsibility.” Eri said coldly. “I am going to go talk to her. Shiro, you come too, you can wheel my chair. You’re her age, right? And just like her. So she’ll have to listen. Besides, I don’t speak Chinese.”
“Fine, but how will we get into a military prison?” Shiro asked.
“Motoko can ask her grandfather. I’ll go get her.”
Shaeula smiled then. “Bring Natsumi too. And Hyacinth. I believe Akio needs-needs to take his mind off his troubles. And what better way than making love-love, feeling our hearts, our connection? Our bonds.”
Really, right now? “I don’t think it’s the time for this. I have a lot to do…”
“No-no.” Shaeula disagreed. “You have been doing too much. Your mind, willpower, it is not-not limitless. We wish to be here for you, to indulge your lusts. It pleases us as well.” She chuckled. “Now, division of labours it is. See, Akio? Having many-many wives is helpful after all…”
“It isn’t your decision alone, Akio.” Eri insisted. “Don’t make that sacrifice, taking it all on yourself. If you do that, we suffer as well.”
“She’s right, Aki. What’s the point of being your wives if you don’t let us help you carry the burden? Besides, there are others who have to have their say as well. It’s not all on you. It’s bigger than just that.”
I guess they’re right? Maybe I’m not in the right frame of mind for this. “Fine. But…”
“I’ll keep an eye on little miss yandere here, stop her putting an axe in the Chinese girl’s head.” Shiro promised.
“Rude!” Eri pouted. “That would just upset Akio, no different to now. Besides, I wouldn’t use an axe. A good slap, maybe, to wake her up, since I have one hand that works…”
As everyone laughed, I felt my headache ease a little. They’re right. I don’t like it when people are hurting or suffering, especially girls. And Nie Ling definitely is. The difference is, she’s been involved in horrible, terrible things. Can… is there a way to reconcile that with justice and forgiveness? I don’t know…
********
“You should relax, Akio. Let us take care-care of your worries.” Shaeula said, bringing me to the bedroom where Natsumi and Hyacinth were waiting. My worries. Ugh, sure, I’m worried about what the right thing to do is, but… it’s my responsibility.
“Akio, it’s only my second time, and I’m very nervous without Motoko here with me, but… I’ll do my best!” She bowed politely, wearing her white and blue hakama, and that did lighten my spirits a little. Damn, she’s cute.
Not only mine, it seemed, as Hyacinth giggled. Her hands were already at the laces of her maid outfit, and moments later her ample breasts popped free, nipples already hard. “Yooou should not spend all your time with Motoko. We are here toooooo. And snatching time when the twooo of you are alone is fun too. Hyacinth recommends it!”
“You’ve done that?” Natsumi asked, surprised, and it was Shaeula who answered, as she took the hand she was holding, slipping it inside her yukata to the warmth of her small breasts. Her skin was warm, a hard bud against my fingers. Instinctively, I started to toy with it, and she groaned happily as she spoke.
“Indeed, we all-all… ahn… take our chances when we can-can. We all compete to bewitch and… ugh, ahn… arouse Akio. Making love in a group is quite-quite… ahn… appealing, but…” my other hand was inside her yukata too, stroking her belly, and she was trembling, liquid staining her thighs as her body sought my touch. “… snatching moments alone is… ahh… a wonder!”
“Hyacinth toooooo!” She presented her breasts to me, and I sucked at her nipples, using my tongue. Natsumi was bright red, seeing our sexual play, but she didn’t look away, brown eyes fixed on us, her breath coming hot and fast.
“Well, we will teach you.” Shaeula said slyly, stepping out of her yukata completely, her bare body exposed. I moved my finger down, and started toying with the red bean of her clitoris, my other fingers sliding into her, and she gasped, shaking like a wet dog, her amber hair sticking to her sweaty skin. “When you do not-not have much time… ahn… serve like this…” she slid down, pushing me onto the bed, before greedily swallowing my towering dick, her mouth soft and warm, her lips and tongue sucking on me gently. Her small hands went to my balls, and as she did so, I felt my passion rising. My free hand was gripping her head, and Hyacinth clambered up behind me, her now naked body rubbing up against me, as if desperate for skinship. Her breasts feel good, as does her kisses…
She was playfully biting and slurping at my neck, shoulders, and ears, leaving lingering kisses on my skin. I turned my head and her lips met mine, her tongue darting greedily into my mouth. As we kissed, Shaeula released my cock, looking a bit sour. “I am-am supposed to be… ugh… showing Natsumi how to serve alone.”
“Please ignooore Hyacinth, pretend she is not here.” She said cheekily. “Do continue!”
Shaeula snorted. “I am pleased to see you know-know your role as one of Akio’s wives now, Hyacinth, but it can-can be rather… annoying.” She went back to her blowjob, even as her body was flushed pink with arousal, and her slit was leaking like a broken faucet, the sheets growing damp.
“Does that feel good, Akio?” Natsumi asked me, watching in rapt awe, and as I glanced over I could see someone else watching through the open door, face flushed, eyes wide. Well, if it’s just watching, I suppose it doesn’t matter.
“Of course it does. Shaeula’s really good at it… now.” I had to pause for breath, as at my praise her tonguing intensified, and I felt a hot pressure rising within me.
“Are you… ready?” She said, and I nodded. Natsumi, come closer-closer, and ahn, ugh… see the moment Akio is pleased.” Her moans were fuelling my arousal, and as the still innocent Natsumi, who knew womanly pleasures now but was still inexperienced, came closer, Shaeula tilted, giving her a clear view, her face coming closer.
“Ahh, I’m coming!” I shouted, hot liquid spurting into Shaeula’s small mouth. As she smiled, lips pursed, she pulled my dick free, allowing sperm to spray all over her delicate face, soaking it. My flow continued for a seeming age, until she was dripping, her hair and chest soaked.
“Delicious.” She sighed. “Now…” before she could say anything more I pulled her up, my tongue and fingers attacking her in turn. Hyacinth giggled, as Shaeula squirmed and gasped. Moments later, Shaeula screamed in pleasure as her own orgasm hit, hot, sour liquid on my tongue, mingling with the scent of Hyacinth and Natsumi, who were likewise extremely aroused. There’s a fourth scent too. I guess she’s having fun?
As her orgasm burst through her, Shaeula collapsed to the bed, sticking out her tongue, seeking a kiss. I gave her one, the peculiar taste that was a mixture of us both one I had tasted often. After her bliss subsided, she grinned up at Natsumi, who was watching with a deep red face. “See? It is not-not as satisfying as truly making love, but it does-does still delight.”
“Yes, Akio tastes gooooood!” Hyacinth was licking at my softening penis, sucking on the end like a lollipop, cleaning it out.
“Here.” Shaeula scooped some of my cum off her chest and held out a hand to Natsumi. “Have a taste.”
Gingerly, she did so, licking at her hand. “Bitter, but… I could get used to it?”
“A good answer. Now, Natsumi, let me show-show you a wonderful position. Hyacinth…” at her words, Hyacinth released my dick a touch regretfully and went to Natsumi.
“My pardons, mistress Natsumi, but you dooo not need clothes fooor this!” She quickly removed her hakama, leaving her in her underwear, which was white silk, light on decoration but very classy. I could see her panties were already turning see-through with love nectar, and she flushed with embarrassment, moving her hands to hide her shame before stopping them, realising she had no need to. “And… here we gooo!” Her breasts popped free as Hyacinth removed her bra.
“I’ll do this myself. This is so embarrassing, worse than my first time.” she muttered, crimson, her hands sliding down her panties, her pussy coming into view. Seeing my enraptured gaze, she laughed a little. “That look always makes me shiver. So passionate. It makes me feel hot inside.”
“That is your body, responding to Akio’s love-love for you.” Shaeula said, having climbed to all fours and scuttled over. She reached out, poking at Natsumi’s thighs, which were soaked. “It leaks tears of happiness, does it not-not, waiting for pleasure?”
“It was pleasurable. Well, it hurt a little, but…” Natsumi muttered, embarrassed. “I don’t know what I’m even saying…”
“The next time hurts rather less.” Shaeula promised. “And soon-soon it is only pleasure. Now, turn around.” She shuffled, showing Natsumi how to lie, and she did so, presenting her ass to me, her hand gingerly gripping my damp shaft.
“This is so shameful.” She muttered. “You can see everything.” Even her asshole was opening and closing with aroused shame.
“I’ve already seen something only Motoko and I ever will.” I grinned, spreading wide her pussy. “Your hymen is no longer here. What have you to fear?” I started licking her gently, my finger slowly unveiling her clit, careful not to touch the pink bean too much.
“I don’t fear, but… it’s like I’m doing something bad, it feels thrilling and wrong, my heart is racing so fast, it feels like it’ll beat out my chest.”
“Let me see.” I grinned, reaching out, grabbing her chest, my fingers sinking a little into the tender flesh. She moaned at my touch. “You know what, I can feel your heart. Well, I want it to race more.” Mine too. It is taking my mind off my troubles, I admit it.
“You lick it like this.” Shaeula showed her again, her tongue licking me, and soon Natsumi followed gingerly, the feel and temperature of her tongue different. As she pleasured me, slowly closing her lips over my glans, I started to lick at her with more fervour, and the noises she was making were stoking my arousal further.
“Careful not to bite him. That would be quite-quite off-putting.” Shaeula laughed.
“I’ll try, but… I’m feeling weird…” she managed to moan around my penis. She was kissing the tip, but Shaeula urged her onwards, and she attempted to take it in deeper, before coughing, saliva splattering her chin. Still, she wasn’t deterred, and tried again, gradually lowering her warm mouth around my dick.
She’s trying so hard. One hand on her breasts, another on her springy yet tight ass, forged by years of martial arts, I licked at her clit, and she started squirming. Her teeth did knock on my shaft a little, a bit uncomfortable, but she was still listening to Shaeula, and now Hyacinth, as they gave her instructions, her tongue twisting around me.
“I don’t… remember this… before, ahn!” she half-sobbed, flushed with pleasure.
“Well, that was your first time, I went easy on you both.” I managed, speeding my own tongue. I could feel her body trembling, rising towards orgasm, so I slowed my movement, allowing her to continue working on me. Her nipple was hard, so I switched breasts, changing things up, and now she had most of my dick in her mouth, her expression which would normally be hidden from me by our bodies a lascivious, entranced, shamed one, a little aether allowing me to see. Just looking at her, it’s a different experience to the others. Each girl is unique, has her own preferences and charms… I’ll never let any of them go.
“It’s… twitching?” she asked, feeling my dick tremble in her mouth. A hot surge was rising up within me, as her clumsy, yet diligent efforts, aided by her tutors, was provoking my pleasure. To match, I sped up my tongue and brought my hand down to her dripping pussy. “I… I… I’m turning strange!” she half-giggled, half cried, as her orgasm surged, her strength leaving her. She went limp, and moments later my ejaculation roared, filling her mouth with cum. Her eyes went wide, as she tried to contain the flow, swallowing desperately, but some splashed out, staining her lips and chin, dripping to the bed below. As I pulled free, Hyacinth grabbed her chin.
“Dooo not swallow everything yet. Show Akio you have it. He likes that, he doooes!” she said, and I had to admit it was true. Who doesn’t like seeing a girl enjoy what he puts out? I mean, I’m happy enough to taste their love nectar. And urine, sometimes, in one case, certainly.
“All right.” Natsumi opened her mouth, showing that there was still an appreciable volume of white liquid on her pink tongue. “I have it, are you happy, Akio? Do you feel better?”
“I am.” I said, watching as she gingerly swallowed it, pulling a bit of a complicated face. As her lips parted, I went in for a kiss, stroking her hot, sweaty body. After that I gently laid her down, while Hyacinth licked and stroked me again, rubbing my cock on her nipples, a strange sensation indeed. I rapidly grew hard again, my physique quite impossible for an ordinary man, and soon I was ready to go, Natsumi lying on the soiled bed, looking up at me happily.
“I feel sorry for Motoko, missing out on this but… you’ll show her your love too, right?”
“Of course.” I glanced over to our watcher, who had fallen to the floor, shocked, and by the smell and colour of her cheeks, also aroused. “Any time you feel lonely or want comfort, or just feel horny…” I grinned at that. “I’ll be more than happy to keep any of you company.”
“So, sex again.” Natsumi said, arms snaking around my back, begging for another kiss. I gave her one, of course, and as our lips parted, saliva bridging us for a moment, I pushed my glans close to her twitching entrance, which was already sodden.
“Yes, I’ll never tire of it with you, I promise.” Another kiss, and she groaned as my cock slid inside, parting her wriggling walls, which were hot and tight. I groaned as she clamped down on me, and kissed her once more. “Does it still hurt?”
“Not really. Maybe a twinge. I just feel so full.” She marvelled, looking down at her stomach, before into my eyes. “You can move now. I’m ready.”
“You don’t need to ask twice.” I slid my hips back and forth, pistoning deeply into her, and every time my dick struck deep inside her she gasped, growing redder and redder, her body sweating, a sweet smell filling my nose. I licked at her lips, her cheeks, neck, breasts, while my hands roamed all over her body. Her grip on me tightened, her groans rapidly turning into gasps of pleasure.
“I… is it all right for me to be this happy? I’m loved, held close…” she managed, and her emotions were transmitted to me, helping wash away the anger, guilt and confusion I was feeling.
“I think there’s no limit to the happiness we should feel.” I said, as I licked at tears of joy that were leaking from her eyes. Shaeula and Hyacinth were watching on, clearly horny but considerate of their junior, and our other watcher was immobile, eyes fixed on us through the crack in the door.
“I.. I… the white wave is coming again!” she cried, and I changed angle, my bursting dick rubbing at other points until I found ones that brought damp moans from her. Her nails pressed into my flesh, and her eyes were swimming.
“I too… I’m going to let it out.”
“I want it! I want to have your child!” she called, and at that Shaeula giggled.
“I want you to bear it too, Natsumi!” I answered. “But not yet. We promised to maintain your honour, until the wedding, right?”
“I don’t care, my head is fuzzy, I… my body is shaking. It’s… it’s here!” She kissed me, this time teeth biting into my lips harmlessly, her tongue desperately probing me, seeking me. Her insides trembled and then started squeezing me, and that was enough to trigger me, my body responding. As my dick convulsed, it pumped out a spray of white liquid inside her, and her body began to seek me more fervently, womb shuddering. That squeezing in turn made me cum harder, and her body drank deep. After several more thrusts, we were done, and I collapsed down beside the dazed girl, kissing her, to which she responded absentmindedly.
“There’ll be plenty of time for a child later. When we are strong enough, the world safe enough.” One arm stroked her hair softly, while the other stroked her full belly, my warmth residing within. After a few minutes of this gentle companionship she regained her focus, eyes sparkling.
“I’m sorry. I got carried away. But I do want a child. Motoko too. After all, we have to pass down Tsumura Arts.” As she leaned in for another kiss, she whispered to me. “I know not right now. But… it’s nice to dream, isn’t it?”
“Well, our dreams will come true.” I whispered back. “I’m pulling out.” As I slid free, she groaned, and a flood of white dripped from her. Her hand was then over mine on her belly, clutching me.
“It feels lonely without you inside me…” she mused, amazed. “I’ve changed, haven’t I?”
“You have.” I affirmed. “But you’re radiant now. A true woman. A good, no… a best woman.”
“I’m glad. The chains binding us have been broken. And… I hope you feel at peace now, happier.”
“He does indeed, I can tell. But… we should definitely be certain-certain.” Shaeula interrupted, giggling. “Rest for now-now, Natsumi, we shall take over.”
“Hyacinth’s turn nooow!” She cried, straddling me, pulling my hands to her breasts, while her own hands guided my spent dick to her dripping pussy. “Do nooot worry, Hyacinth will restore you!”
“I shall concede. But I am next-next!” Shaeula insisted, and with a wry thought that these succubae would surely succeed in draining my dry, I glanced over to our amazed watcher. Yeah, I’m amazed too. But happy as well. Without sleep, without feeling the touch of my women, I’ve let myself get caught up in a negative spiral. What to do about Nie Ling and the others… I don’t have to rush it…
********
“So, just why am I back here again?” Detective Kato grumbled, and I shot him a glare.
“Because there’s no way us girls can come to a military prison alone.” I complained, stating the obvious. “Besides, if anything happened to Motoko here, it’d be a disaster.”
“Hey, what about me?” Shiro complained, and I shot her a flat glare.
“Enough joking. You’re the strongest one here, aren’t you? If anything happens to you, we won’t be alive to see it.”
“Do calm down, both of you.” Motoko said, her expression worried. “When you explained to me what Akio was feeling, I agreed we needed to do something about it. We should not fight amongst ourselves.”
“We aren’t fighting. Not really.” I shook my head. ”It’s just…” I’ve never been good with words, or talking to people I don’t know. Or caring about others that I don’t know. Though I’ve improved recently. This all makes me so angry. “… it’s hard to explain. I don’t like this. Not at all. Akio is hurting, and it’s all her fault.”
“All right, I’m opening the door.” The Detective gestured to the Special Forces on guard, and as the door opened, it revealed a small cell, a woman sitting up in surprise, a blanket covering her body. She blinked her brown eyes, dark hair hanging loose, and said something in Chinese. Well, she’s nothing special. I’m relieved. If she was a beauty like Daiyu, who looked like a delicate doll, then I would be worried Akio would sympathise more than was necessary. It’s not like I’m blind to his faults. I couldn’t be, at this point.
Shiro replied, before translating for us, as Nie Ling’s face fell. “She asked why we were here, and who we were. I told her I was one of those fighting at Kyoto, and here to talk to her about Akio.”
“I see. Well, if I may. Please translate for me.” I gathered my thoughts, shyness swallowed up by my anger. “Nie Ling…” she responded to her own name. “… I have a question. Do you believe what you did was wrong?”
After the translation she nodded, speaking rapidly, face pale. “She says that she knows killing was wrong, even though she didn’t do it herself. She tried to avoid it as much as she could, but she had little choice if she wished to live. Even so, she says she’s sorry.”
Shiro’s face screwed up at that, as well it might. Sorry, huh? Apologies don’t bring back the dead. That fool Yamato apologised, but it didn’t heal the wounds in Akio’s heart. It just made it worse. Apologies are worthless, just for her, to help with her own guilt. “I see.” I said coldly. “You’re sorry. And just what does that entail, being sorry?”
“She says she’ll accept her punishment, even the chance of pain or death from having her … curse, as she calls it, taken from her.” Shiro sighed.
“Really? Pain? Death? You think you’ll die?” I said, wheeling myself forwards, clenching my responsive fist.
“Eri…” Shiro warned.
“I’m fine.” I took a deep breath. “But you see it, right? I do. I used to be a coward too.”
“As did I.” Shiro agreed. “I thought it’d be like this.”
“I do not understand, can you please explain?” Motoko asked.
“I’m a bit lost as well.” The Detective said, frowning. “I get that she is quite the cowardly person, but due to that she surrendered and helped us…”
“Girls understand girls best.” I shook my head. My fist dropped down, striking the small table by her bedside, leaving a dent in the metal, deforming it. My knuckles stung, blood trickling down my hand and dropping on the ground, but I had made my point. She flinched, trying to use the blanket as a shield. “Shiro…”
“Yes, I’ll translate. Damn, you’re bossy girl. No wonder Aki is having affairs with us.”
“Now isn’t the time for stupid jokes.” I complained. “Anyway, you were frightened, right? No tears, just fear. You knew I wanted to hurt you, didn’t you? Cowards can always tell when people have designs on them. I used to know which girls wanted to bully me, which disgusting boys wanted to date me. Our senses are sharp to that. You knew I wished that was you.” I punched the table again, and she flinched again.
“Mori-san, this is intimidation and abuse of…” Detective Kato began, but I held up a hand to forestall him.
“No, it’s proving a point. When Akio said he was going to take your power, you agreed, because you know he wouldn’t hurt or kill you, right? Cowards know, and Akio has no desire to cause you suffering. You picked up on that, right? He’s torn about your fate. Now personally…” I wheeled closer, causing her to back up, flush against the wall. “… in your position, I might have done the same. Shiro too. We value ourselves. That isn’t so wrong. Motoko here, we asked her, and she would have chosen death. She’s brave and noble. I respect it. But… were I to be in your position…” my words were coming out as low growls. “… I wouldn’t push all my responsibility to Akio, all my guilt. I would rather die, face oblivion than that.”
As Shiro spoke my words the look of fear on Nie Ling’s face turned to surprise. “He saved you, removed the parasite within you, when he could have, should have killed you. You were the enemy, you invaded our country, killed men, women and children. We have no obligation to be kind or fair, do we? But Akio isn’t like that. He always tries too hard. Shaeula, Grulgor, Hyacinth… enemies become friends.”
“Me as well.” Shiro added as she translated. “I was his enemy for a time.”
“You just want to feel that you had no choice. Well, if you wanted to live, maybe that’s true. But you decided to value your own existence above countless others. You have the right to do that, but also the shame.”
“I know.” She answered finally, Shiro translating her words. “I know, I know! Do you think I wanted any of this? None of it! First the Party, then the monster! I’m just a toy to be used up, tormented! Yes, I knew it. He looks in pain when he sees me. At first I thought it was hatred. I would understand that. Then I realised it was anger, but I wasn’t scared, just sad. It wasn’t me he was angry with!”
“No, he is angry with himself. For not having a solution that saves everyone. I hate that you put him in this position.” I cursed, only to calm down as Motoko held my hand. I was surprised for a moment, before talking another deep breath. “He doesn’t want this to be for nothing. He can extract your Divine Favour, and you won’t die. Perhaps it might hurt a little, but then, so does a lot of Chirurgery, or learning Ether Healing. Pain is pain, live with it.” I was lacking sympathy. “Even so, he told you, didn’t he? I think if you are prepared to give up your gift, the good that could be done with it can be weighed against your sins.” My words were barbed, but Shiro translated them calmly, and Nie Ling widened her eyes in surprise. “For that to weigh against your wrongdoings, you need to be alive to do so. He won’t let you die. He hates suffering women, even annoying ones like you.”
“I… I never asked for any of this. I know I was wrong, that I caused the deaths of so many, but… I just wanted to live. Is that so wrong?”
“Legally speaking, yes.” The Detective said unhelpfully.
“We’re not talking about that now.” I said coldly, and he gave me a wry look. “Look…” I addressed her again. “I’ve already said I understand, and I might well make the same choice you did. But… you think Akio asked for everything that happened to him? That he asked to be faced with the weight of your deeds? If you won’t own them, who will? This golden-eyed creature? Well, in time, Akio will see it destroyed. Just like he did the clone, right?”
“Well, Tan and I helped rather a lot, but yeah. Aki and I, we’ll destroy it, one day.” Shiro added, before translating it once more.
“So, if you won’t accept responsibility, Akio has to, that’s how he sees it. He doesn’t want to harm you, and you know it. Otherwise, why would he save you? For knowledge? Perhaps, but Daiyu probably knows more than a girl who always tries to flee her problems, like you.” I understand it, and I’m being a hypocrite too. If it was Aiko who did the same, I’d be saying that she had no choice. But then… Aiko wouldn’t be so damn pitiful about it, I’m sure…
Nie Ling gasped in surprise as Shiro’s eyes and hair turned crimson, streaming flames. Her expression changed, and I realised Tan was in control for now. “Yes, the Divine Favour always suits the wielder. That is an unshakeable rule. What better refuge for one who always flees from danger, wishes for respite, than a dream, which is the ultimate escape. And in dreams, this is no judgement, no responsibility…”
“What do you know?” Nie Ling suddenly flared up, her face twisting angrily. “I bet you have incredible power! You must do, if you survived, and killed the others. I… I did the best I could. It’s not fair for me to die, I did nothing wrong!”
“And those that you dragged into the Boundary, helpless and unknowing, did?” Tan asked, getting to the point. “There is a legend from the Endless Golden Desert. After death, the spirit of the dead is judged. Their heart, all that they are, is placed upon a delicate golden scale, and weighed against a feather. If their sins, guilt, their deeds, trapped within the heart, outweigh the feather… well, I dare believe you can imagine the outcome. It is judgement, after all. And your heart is heavy indeed, weighed down by the many dead.”
“Me, strong?” Shiro snorted, resuming some control. “I wasn’t. I was so sickly and weak even going for a short walk could have killed me. So I get it. If someone told me I could be healthy, live a fun life, I’d have been willing to sacrifice others. I made that choice. Luckily, Aki was there to stop me. But…even with strength, we still might face misfortune. Shit, girl. Don’t use your weakness as an excuse. If you look back, was there nothing you could have done differently?”
“If I didn’t do as Luo Jiahao wanted, well, I’d… he would have killed me.” She said, and I narrowed my eyes when I received the translation. Her words weren’t matching her expression.
“Liar.” I scoffed. “You don’t believe that.”
“No…” she sighed. “He was a man who was grieving the loss of his family. A broken man. He wanted revenge, but…”
“So you created many more grieving just like him.” I pressed, and she shot back.
“If I didn’t do it, they’d have found another way! I…”
“Pitiful.” I snorted. “I can’t believe Akio is agonising over this so hard. It’s not my fault, if I didn’t do bad things, somebody else would… what are you, five years old?” I couldn’t believe someone older than me was so pathetic. “You don’t think that’s just an excuse? You wanted to live, not be devoured? That’s fine. I won’t judge you for that.” I twisted my half-paralysed neck, looking down at my largely immobile limbs. “I had to kill to survive. Though my axe was raised to save others, at first, in the end it came down to her or me. I won’t forget and I won’t make excuses. In the end, I became as you see. But… I won’t run from it!”
I paused as Motoko squeezed my hand reassuringly. Her brown eyes were kind, and her smile soft. “Eri, please do not strain yourself. I know you have bad memories, and that this woman is proving frustrating for you, but… not everyone can be strong. Besides, you are scaring the good Detective.”
He smiled wryly. “You girls are certainly intense. But just shouting at her like this won’t do any good. I understand your frustrations. By the law, coercion, duress, that will excuse you for minor crimes, but not ones of this serious nature. But… the law was never set up to consider her circumstances. The law was never set up to consider any of these circumstances. We have scholars, lawyers and lawmakers drafting feverishly, but anything we do will be incomplete at best.”
“That is why it is difficult.” Motoko agreed. “I see why Akio struggles, he is not good with decisions where people have to sacrifice. He hates that, as he told us. And here… there is no answer that satisfies everyone. Legally, Nie Ling should be punished severely, likely never setting foot outside of a prison for the rest of her life. Ethically, the woman was coerced with the threat of something so cruel that none would ever face it without trembling. Morally, perhaps she should have considered her own life less valuable than the lives of many others, and resisted, even in spite of that. But… none of that matches fairness, does it?”
As Shiro translated, the prisoner looked up in surprise. Motoko smiled at her, still holding my hand. “I am Tsumura Motoko. My family has been the heads of the Japanese Military for generations, and now head the JSDF. So I understand war. This was no war, but terrorism. However, your terrorism was not motivated by hatred, but by simple fear. I believe that is worthy of sorrow, of forgiveness. But forgiveness alone will hardly suffice. The scale… a thousand dead. Precious Chosen who would have gone on to protect Japan slain… more may die because of your actions.”
“What choices did I really have?” Nie Ling repeated, her eyes dry. “Answer me that.”
“Each chooses as to their own will, and the circumstances. Akio and I would choose death. Yet were I threatened with death, and Akio compelled to do atrocious deeds… I fear he might succumb, though when I was safe, the guilt would no doubt lead him to take his own life…”
“Yeah, Aki, the stupid bastard, he even said as much. But I set him straight. When you accept responsibility for a life, like he has for all of us, there’s no quitting before the end.” She looked at Nie Ling, lapsing back to Chinese. When she was done, the woman replied, and her expression changed.
“What did you say?” I asked.
“Simple. We’re obviously working down to this in the end, right? I asked her straight up. Legally, you should be imprisoned for ever. Ethically, I think that punishing you is wrong, and would by hypocritical. Morally, the dead demand justice. And fairly… I asked her what fairness would be, here and now. And she said… fairness would be making amends, but I don’t know if I can…”
“I see. Yes, not so stupid after all. Justice is about punishment, but also… rehabilitation and soothing the hurt of the victims, right?” I quoted, and the Detective agreed.
“It’s the three points of the triangle. You have to judge against punishment for wrongdoings, the hope of rehabilitation, to allow the perpetrator to turn their life around when justice is served, and lastly, the victims must have their redress. A system that forgets the victims is merely cruelty masquerading as justice.”
“Show her the news on your phone.” I said, and Shiro did so. The protests were still going strong, though the violence was dying down, but it didn’t take long to find further incidences of violence against the Chinese community here in Japan, or images of grieving families at funerals. On seeing that, she needed no words to understand, and Nie Ling bowed her head.
“What do you want to do, really?” I asked her, and as Shiro relayed me her answer, I felt my hand tensing in Motoko’s soothing grip.
“You don’t know? You don’t know?” I was incredulous. “In that case, let Akio take your Favour, he’ll put you back together again, and after a little pain, serve out your sentence. That’s the best thing for a coward. Let someone else shoulder your sins. That’ll hurt Akio though. And I’ll never forgive you for that.” I’m cruel myself, I know it. I’m not thinking of the dead, of justice, only what is best for Akio. But…
“Eri, that is not the way.” Motoko sighed, patting my head like Akio always did. “She is clearly not strong, like you. Ultimatums will not work. Shiro, Eri, if I may?” She looked at the Detective too, who popped some chewing gum in his mouth with a sigh, nodding.
“You may as well.” he declared.
“Please translate for me, Shiro. My Chinese is rudimentary at best.” Motoko declared, and she then began. “It is obvious to me you feel guilt at what you have done. Else why would you have surrendered yourself to Akio? Perhaps it was fear that he would kill you? I was not there. But I believe you are capable of remorse. Right or wrong, you directly assisted in killing many innocents to save yourself. I do not believe that can be overlooked. But I can understand. So, as I see it, are you prepared to shoulder that?”
“I…” Nie Ling hesitated. “I don’t know if I’m strong enough for that. This is not a dream, it’s a terrible nightmare. I did my best, I did. I never wanted this!”
“If you really just wish to flee your worries and responsibilities, not a praiseworthy attitude, but one I can accept, then you should simply face what justice the legal system can bring. I would also expect that you should give up your Divine Favour. It is too precious to be left in the hands of someone who abandons their responsibilities.” Her face twitched, and I could see a yearning in her eyes for a Favour like Aiko. I could understand that too. “Taking it from you may seem cruel, but you agreed to trade it in exchange for Akio saving you from the golden-eyed devourer, no?”
At that Nie Ling had nodded solemnly. “Well, it may be a harsh agreement, but Akio has delivered on his end of the bargain.” Motoko continued.
“I am prepared for the risk…” she agreed.
“Well, as I said…” Shiro interjected. “Aki is far better at Chirurgery now with my buffs. I think you’ll be fine.”
“That is the choice of one who only wishes to escape into a blissful dream.” Motoko said, and Tan laughed, Shiro’s eyes red again.
“Indeed. A choice suitable for the holder of such a Favour. A disappointing one. Let me give you some counsel.” That surprised me, as Tan spoke up. “Running does nothing. One day you will run up against that which you have tried so hard to flee. Then, only strength can save you. Strength you will have abandoned.”
Yes, just like running from my feelings for Akio nearly cost me everything I wanted. If I had run one more time… I wouldn’t be alongside everyone now. “That choice puts the most weight on Akio as well. Every time he takes a Favour, it causes him grief. But he knows he has to do it, as they are limited and precious. Your case most of all. Fairness is simply impossible here. All we can do is be the most fair to everyone.”
“Indeed.” Motoko agreed. “Another choice is… you could simply make amends by protecting this country, working until you have saved as many lives as your actions have taken. That might be a thorny path, one that hurts you, but… you will have some agency, control over your fate.”
“Agency? Control?” She scoffed. “Ever since the day I was visited by the Duke of Dreams, I had none of that.”
“Not true.” Motoko denied her. “From the story I have heard, there were points you could have taken control, changed your fate. But… that is just in hindsight. We cannot change what has already happened. No more than we can change the truth.”
“Your Favour came to you for a reason.” Tan commented. “Though not all Divine Favours go to a worthy recipient. The Divine is hardly infallible. We choose based on affinity and our instincts, passing on our gifts. Perhaps you were a mistake… but even mistakes can become true answers.”
“Punishment. I think that while you can’t be held wholly responsible for what you did, you can’t be held wholly innocent either. Do you have a family?” Shiro asked.
“I do.”
“Well, if I was in your position, and your family, friends, hometown was consumed, would you forgive me, saying I had no choice, I had to put myself first?”
“No.” Nie Ling admitted, and I felt at least a little respect for her honesty. “No, I couldn’t. I would wonder if your life was really worth so many of ours… and our pain.” She bit her lip, and genuine tears were sparkling now in her brown eyes.
“So, your punishment should be something as fair as possible.” Shiro continued. “Then, Rehabilitation. You could either have your Favour taken, or make use of it yourself, in a proper way. Either way would allow you not only to face your guilt, but to try and stop running. After all, where has it got you?”
“Even if it hurts, or makes you shiver in fear, push forwards.” I said, giving her a little advice. “I too nearly had a fate worse than death. I would rather have faced oblivion.” I remembered the kitsune which Akio slew. “So it isn’t like I can’t understand. But… I think pretending to yourself that you had no choice and I was forced, I bear little of the blame will only crush you in the end. Even if you truly had no blame, you’re only human. It’ll still worm its way into you and break you.”
“Lastly, restitution.” Motoko took over. “My family has always served Japan, so we know what it is to protect. The dead… their lives were snuffed unfairly, their families grieve. To be fair to you and to be fair to them is a balance impossible to fathom. But… the world is in danger, Japan is in danger. You have abilities that are precious and rare. Use them to assuage your guilt and your selfishness. You chose your life over those of many, countless others. Now prove your choice holds some value, you hold value worth the price paid.”
“Like the heart on the scales.” Tan laughed coldly. “There is no absolute standard of justice. Each Pantheon, each Territory, each being decides what is just, fair. But… you made an agreement with that man. I believe you should honour it in the end.”
“To be judged under the law, information, and my blessing from the Duke of Dreams.” She squeezed shut her eyes. “I haven’t objected to that, have I?”
“No, but your whole being just screams why is this happening to me, it’s not fair!” I snapped. “And no, it isn’t fair. But a thousand not fairs outweighs one not fair, surely. I’m trying to be sympathetic, Akio clearly is, even if he’s trying to stick to his new bold self. But you make it hard. I respect those that grasp what they want despite their fears and hardships, like Shaeula. So… answer me this. What do you honestly think is justice here?”
“I don’t know…” she stumbled as my gaze sharpened, before continuing, a little stronger, her face in a genuine, angry pout. “… but I hate the way you’re all cornering me! Sure, it seems like you know hardships, have suffered, could have been like me, but… I’m me! Only I can be me! I never deserved this, wanted this! I didn’t want to kill. Maybe that’s why I gained a power that is ordinarily so harmless! But I didn’t want to die either, and there was no way to have both! What was I supposed to do?”
“The truth at last.” I said, and as Shiro translated with a slight smile, I leaned forwards as best I could. “You could have died, in which case we wouldn’t be having this conversation. Or you could have killed. Which you did, perhaps not legally, but fairly, morally, ethically… you did. But… we all recognise that the scales aren’t balanced. Only self-preservation is the weight of your heart. But it’s still a heavy, heavy weight. So… lighten it. However you can, from now until the scales balance.”
“I am… I’ll accept imprisonment, I’ll give up my Favour, I’ll tell him everything I know, I overheard…”
“And that is one way, but it will not save your heart. In the end, you will just resent it, resent us. For you will still be running, feeling like you once more had no choices.” Motoko said. “Far better, take a step forwards rather than backwards. When Natsumi and I did, finally… honest at last… when you reach out, sometimes the world reaches back.”
“Who would reach for me?” She scoffed.
“Akio will.” I answered, sure of it. “Show him you are genuinely remorseful, not just feeling sorry for yourself, and offer to put things right. The dead won’t return, but if you save a thousand, no, ten thousand lives, then you can know that your choice was, if not the right one, there’s no right one here, then a choice everyone can live with.”
“Excuse me, but the law isn’t something you can just choose…” the Detective interjected.
“I believe it is.” Motoko disagreed. “To stretch current statutes to encompass her ability is possible, certainly, and likely moral, yet perhaps not ethical. Is that not why new laws are being worked on as we speak? But the cornerstone of justice is it can never be retrospective. Else nobody is ever safe from summary punishment.”
“Well, there is that. But…” he sighed. “Well, I admit to feeling sympathy. But as a Detective, that’s a luxury.”
“We can each imagine it, the horror of such a choice. It is very much like having a bomb inside you, that could be detonated at any moment. No, worse than that. Detective, what would your choice be? Or what would your choice be if your family was threatened in that way?”
“But the law…” he stubbornly clung on, but I could see him weakening.
“Is going to be hell.” I laughed bitterly. “You think this scenario is bad? What if someone could genuinely compel someone’s actions, some sort of mind control. Could we hold them at fault then? But then… could they simply be lying? I’m glad I don’t have to worry about those decisions. All I care about is making sure Akio doesn’t suffer too much.” I turned back to Nie Ling, gesturing for translation. “If you’re scared, I get it. If you’re weak, I’m not much different, though I’ve tried my hardest to be strong. Motoko here is the same. We’re not all possessed by some demon like Shiro.”
“Hey, that’s damn rude! Tan isn’t a demon…” Shiro protested.
“Well, that’s debatable, but I’d embrace a demon or a devil if it wanted to help Akio. Now…” I gave my attention back to Nie Ling, who was listening to Shiro’s translation with a complicated expression on her face. “…it’s your choice. It really is. The least you can do is pay up what you promised. Akio saved your soul, right? But that’s the truly cowardly way. That’s the I had no choice, I’m washing my hands of everything choice. No… face your fear and your guilt. Offer to make amends, and do it yourself. Those of us who might well have made your choice will respect that, and offer a helping hand. Akio definitely will. Your power should be used for good, and if you are tired of being exploited by the evil in this world, then either entrust yourself to Akio’s care, like others have, or be strong enough to stand on your own.”
“I… don’t know. I’m still so… numb to everything.” She managed in reply, but I could tell she was listening. “But… I do understand what you’re saying.” she wiped at her reddened eyes and nose. “I… find it hard to trust, to forgive myself. Even those who were nice to me, like Lou Jiahao, they had darkness within them. I wondered… no, it doesn’t matter. I would rather risk pain and death never having to worry about this world again, but…”
“You do understand. The world is changed forever. Just covering your eyes and ears won’t make it leave you alone.”
“Can… can I think about it?” She said, meeting my eyes.
“I think you can. Akio needs time to think, too. I don’t want this mess to be scar on his heart.”
With that, we left her behind, and when the door was shut, Shiro turned to me. “So, was that for the best? In the end, all we did was talk at her, tell her our opinions.”
“Well, there are some problems that have no solutions. It is the trolley problem, to an extent. Is it permissible to sacrifice many to save one, or one to save some? Though it is complicated as the sacrifices have already been made,” Motoko said. “Our philosophy teacher often sets us these questions. My grandfather and father too. After all, the military is a tool of violence, killing to save and protect, and often soldiers must sacrifice themselves for the mission.”
“But soldiers know what they are signing up for. She didn’t want any of this.” Shiro muttered.
“That’s why we need to push the solution to this problem as close to one that can be accepted by those involved as possible. No, not everyone. Akio.” I amended.
“I think you’ll find it isn’t just Oshiro-san that needs to be satisfied.” The Detective warned, but I snorted my disagreement.
“For me, that’s all that matters. Though again, I do feel some sympathy for her, though her refusal to stand up to her troubles, always running… makes it hard. Well, Akio wants to be fair and hates sacrifice, so… we need a way that prevents further sacrifice. If she gives up her Favour, sure, she’ll feel better, and in the end that might be enough for her. Lives can be saved if the recipient is worthy. But in the end, all that does is perpetuate the sorrow of this whole mess. Far better she agrees to stand up for herself, accept her share of the responsibility, and fight.”
“And Aki would help her, if that was what she wished, right?” Shiro agreed.
“He is affected by the dead, and the circumstances in which they met. But when presented with genuine contrition and a willingness to make amends, I believe he will reach out a hand to her.” Motoko agreed with me.
“Right. Well, it’s up to her though. She’d better not do anything selfish like kill herself and ruin everything, though I doubt she would, considering what she sacrificed for her own life… deep down she definitely knows Akio’s threats are hollow.”
“Well, I wonder how he’s getting on back at Shirohebizumi?” Shiro said suddenly, flushing. “I kind of wanted to stay and watch, considering tomorrow…”
With that, the tense mood melted away. “You pervert, Shiro. Are you that eager to make love to Akio?”
“Hey now, I’ve been waiting a long time, so it’s natural I’d be curious…”
“I’m still here you know, please do shut up!” The Detective complained and there was some laughter…
********
“So, that’s your conclusion?” I said, talking to Shiro on my phone as I lay in bed, Natsumi naked in my arms, Shaeula on the other side, an equally naked Hyacinth bustling about, making us some refreshments.
“Well, Eri did most of the talking, with some help from me and Motoko.” She said, sighing. “Really, it sucked. I hate thinking about these sort of things. Life was simpler when I let Tan handle everything. But then… I was no better than our Chinese girl in that regard. So…I don’t have the right to blame her.”
“Trolley problems, huh? Who to sacrifice? Shit, just thinking about that pisses me off.” As I snarled that, Natsumi nuzzled against me, trying to calm me down, and I softly apologised. “I guess I really am a Chosen of Tyr. If someone has to stick their hand in the mouth of a wolf, I’d rather it was me.”
“Yeah well, she’ll think about it. You should too. Anyway, see you later. I want to hear all about it.” As I blushed, she hung up.
“Don’t let it bother you, Akio. You’ve done the best you can.” Natsumi said, trying to cheer me up. “You’re angry with her, I know, but you also don’t want her guilt or her crimes to destroy her. You wanted her to make amends, right?”
“You had an agreement. You said you would-would save her from the golden-eyed devourer. You did-did so. Now in exchange you should receive what she promised. Some might call it cruel, demanding prices for salvation, but she was not-not entirely without blame. I call it pragmatic. Now, how you receive the payment depends on her, does it not-not? If she is wise, she will strive under her own power, as I did, when you defeated me. A female of worth does not-not go back on her word when given.”
When there’s no good solutions, just… go with the one you can live with. I guess that applies not just to me, but to Nie Ling too. Then there’s the other one Haru-san captured, though the situation is different, as if we release her she’ll die. Then there’s the treatment of the captured Cultivators…
I tightened my grip on Natsumi, who sighed happily, while Shaeula tickled my back with her hair. No, the girls are right. I don’t have to decide now. Not until my head is clear, and I can be fair over all the deaths I witnessed the aftermath of…