I knew this would happen.
“Heehee!”
“Snicker! Snicker!”
I stared blankly out the car window, surrounded by all sorts of strange laughter.
The desolate fields and plastic greenhouses whizzed by.
Was the winter landscape naturally this desolate, or was it just my mood?
“Guys, check this out. I can sense the familiar scent of middle age from this unfamiliar idol.”
“Ha-ha!”
“Hit like, quick!”
My brothers were bursting into laughter every minute as they read the comments on the weather forecast YouTube video.“Ha-ha-ha!”
Even now, they were clapping like seals, extracting laughter.
I sighed.
“A weather forecast, and it’s that funny?”
“Weather forecasts are boring.”
Jiho nodded in agreement.
“But seeing you teased is always our greatest joy.”
“That’s right.”
“Hey, Junghyun, high five!”
I shook my head in disbelief as they slapped each other’s hands, enjoying themselves.
Then I glanced at Bijoo, who was eagerly scrolling through the comment section on his phone.
It’s like a 40-year-old uncle is talking to our little friends~ Ha-ha!
Is it because this album is for winter? It feels like a weather forecast from the ’80s.
Showed it to my dad, and he loved it, said it reminded him of the ’90s weather forecasts with piano BGM. LOL!
At first glance, he looks young, but the more you look, the older our boy seems…☆
Fun fact about Sunwoo: He just turned 23.
…Unable to bear it any longer, I turned away.
Rihyuk spoke with a smirk on his face.
“Who told you to practice expressions by imitating such old folks? It’s not like there are no male newscasters.”
“Well, there are modern ones, but…”
I let out a hollow laugh.
“What can I do when all the famous ones are from the ’90s?”
“You should still look at the modern ones.”
“Just because new novels come out doesn’t mean the classics become useless.”
“…You have a strangely convincing point.”
I had chosen only the famous newscasters to practice after, but they all happened to be from the past.
“I did try practicing after the female newscasters, but when I looked in the mirror, it just didn’t seem right.”
“How so?”
“Look. There’s a reason I didn’t do it.”
Curious, my younger brothers watched as I gave a demonstration.
With a slight smile, I began.
“Here’s today’s weather. Due to the Siberian high pressure…”
“Wow…!”
They looked at each other in admiration.
“So elegant.”
“Pretty. Beautiful.”
“It’s truly graceful. You look like a royal queen presenting the weather.”
It was a version I had given up on because it didn’t suit my face, but the members reacted positively.
Maybe I should have gone with this one.
“Why didn’t you use this version?”
“Is it better?”
“No. We could have teased you even more. Aaagh!”
As I was disciplining the youngest, Rihyuk came to a conclusion.
“In the end, that’s what it is. If you had prepared moderately, you would have been praised for doing well, but you had to aim for the best.”
“Yeah.”
“That’s true.”
Then Junghyun, sitting in the back seat, leaned forward with a voice actor’s tone.
“A young man’s sudden transformation into middle age due to a weather forecast. Could it be the tragedy brought on by his own greed?”
“Ah! Stop talking in that surprise tone!”
“Then, that’s all for now.”
Junghyun exited with a hearty laugh, and the younger brothers burst into applause and laughter.
Amidst the excitement of finding something new to tease about, I was the only one going insane.
The place we arrived at after driving was a large ranch in Gyeonggi Province.
As we passed the sign with two cows dancing a ‘Welcome’ jig, we entered the parking lot.
“Ah, the smell.”
Junhyeon couldn’t help but smile contentedly as he stepped out of the car.
“It’s nice. This scent.”
“Ugh…”
Ri Hyeok began to retch immediately upon disembarking.
His eyes, always too sensitive, brimmed with tears as he continued to heave.
“Are you okay? Do you want to stay in the car and rest?”
“Don’t worry about me. It’s just because I’m on an empty stomach.”
“The smell inside is going to be no joke…”
“It’s fine.”
Ri Hyeok waved his hands dismissively, trying to acclimate to the barnyard odor.
It was surprisingly bearable, though.
While we stretched our legs after getting out of the car, people came running from afar.
“Hellooo!”
A woman clad in a puffer jacket was sprinting towards us.
“Ha ha ha ha ha!”
We all took a step back at the sudden appearance of this stranger, and Junhyeon looked shocked.
“Whoa…!”
“What’s wrong? Junhyeon, who is that?”
“It’s the hometown reporter!”
We laughed as the rapper zipped up his jacket all the way to his neck, straightening his attire.
Soon, as the face drew closer, we recognized the person.
Min Hyojin.
She was the reporter in charge of the Monday segment ‘Let’s Discover Our Agricultural Products!’ on the show ‘Now, My Hometown.’
“Our New Black nephews!”
“Hello! We’re New Bla…”
“Ah! Ah! No need for formalities. I’ve really missed you guys. I’m a fan.”
The reporter’s energetic handshake instantly lifted the mood.
Her overflowing energy was infectious, and I found myself feeling upbeat.
When Min Hyojin reached out to Junhyeon, he wiped his hands on his pants before shaking her hand.
“Um…”
“Yes?”
“I’ve been a fan since middle school, Reporter.”
She burst into laughter upon hearing his request for an autograph, which he’d been too shy to ask for earlier.
We all greeted the managers, asking them to take care of us during the recording.
“I should be the one asking you. Don’t worry about things like screen time! It’s all been taken care of.”
“What? Why?”
“New Black’s faces are the screen time!”
We all roared with laughter at the reporter’s confident declaration.
As the production team gathered their equipment.
Min Hyojin held a camcorder, capturing both us and herself on screen.
“Alright, let’s give a shout for today’s recording. Fighting!”
“How about we start with ‘Now, My Hometown,’ and then the reporter follows with ‘New Black!’ and we all end with ‘is here!’ How does that sound?”
“Sounds great! Let’s do it!”
“Now, My Hometown?”
“New Black~”
“Is hereee!”
We jumped and high-fived, raising the excitement for the broadcast.
Despite the January chill, we felt a warmth spreading through us as we laughed, pointing at the camcorder.
“Will this be on the broadcast?”
“No. This is for my personal collection.”
“Oh wow.”
“My nieces and nephews didn’t believe I was recording with New Black, so I’ll send this to them later.”
As the reporter laughed heartily, Bijoo whispered,
“I think we’re going to get along well with her.”
“I was thinking the same thing.”
While Junhyeon shyly chatted with the reporter like a fan at a fan meeting, the production crew appeared.
It was a modest setup.
A scriptwriter, a cameraman, and an assistant director.
“We hope today’s recording goes well.”
“Please take care of us!”
“But first… just in case I can’t get it later because of a busy schedule. Could you give me an autograph?”
The camera director, whose daughter was our fan, collected our autographs.
As the microphone was finally set, the reporter burst into a lively laugh and exclaimed, “Today’s slate will be clapped by Kim Junghyun, a passionate fan from my hometown!” ŖΑɴȎ𝖇Ěŝ
The crowd erupted in cheers.
“Alright, just a moment,” I said, rubbing my hands on my pants before raising them solemnly.
Clap!
The sound signaled the start of recording, and the cameras rolled.
“Hello, viewers nationwide! At last! Our show ‘My Hometown Now’ welcomes a guest more precious than wild ginseng!”
“One, two!”
“Hello, viewers! Better than wild ginseng, it’s New Black!”
“Come on in! Nine! Nine!”
The reporter hummed ‘nine’ and danced, and we joined in, dancing like excited monkeys.
A frenzied party unfolded at the entrance of the ranch.
The assistant director and writer stood agape, pens in hand, while our managers mouthed, “It’s always like this.”
“What brought you to the show?”
“One of our members, Junghyun, is a true die-hard fan, and he really wanted to be here. Plus, we’re planning a national small theater tour for our special album…”
“Aha! So you’ve come to rake in the money with your album!”
“That’s a perfect summary, thank you.”
After a warm introduction and performance of our new song ‘Winter Sleep,’
Reporter Min Hyojin pointed out our attire.
“You’re well-prepared from the start, even your jumpers.”
“Exactly! We heard we’d be giving a speech today, so we chose comfortable shoes.”
“Your professional attire is quite evident!”
The reporter beamed at the camera and said, “Before we start recording today’s broadcast, can we see New Black’s ambition for my hometown?”
“Shall we express it through dance? Or song?”
“Anything is fine!”
“Actually, we anticipated such a request and composed a song in the car.”
The crew gave us space, and we took center stage in formation.
“Ah. One, two, three, four.”
I snapped my fingers, and my brothers harmonized.
With a flash to the east,
Junghyun portrayed the sun rising majestically with both hands on his chin.
And a flash to the west,
Jiho imitated a crab with pointed fingers.
“We’ll go anywhere,
Riding the boat, enjoying the winter wind,
Even a greenhouse is nice,
Just call, and New Black will be there,
Remember,
‘Roasted chestnuts, sweet potatoes,’ and ‘New Black!’”
Our hand-waving dance made the production team burst into laughter.
Reporter Min Hyojin applauded.
“Ah! That’s so good! So good!”
“Thank you.”
“Could this be used as a signal?”
“Really? If you like the song, please contact our company.”
We wrapped up the opening and walked towards the ranch.
Thinking of maximizing our screen time, I led a nursery rhyme with a smile.
“Along the ranch road~ Strolling through the night~”
“With my beloved, coming home~”
The reporter and my brothers joined in with lively expressions.
“Stardora Stardora Stardora Pumba~ Stardora Pumba Boom Boom Boom~”
In the idyllic scenery, the nursery rhyme echoed wildly, leaving the writer and assistant director with stunned faces.
“They think Hyojin is six years old…” they murmured among themselves.
As we neared the barn, Rihyuk began to gag.
“Ugh…”
The growing stench seemed to turn his stomach.
As everyone looked away, Rihyuk smiled sheepishly and said, “I came on an empty stomach…”
Sensibly deflecting the situation, the production team and reporter turned back.
While my brothers commented on the ranch, I subtly gestured with my eyes.
“Are you okay? Want to leave now?”
“I’ll do it.”
With an expression that seemed to say enduring the smell was all it took, I couldn’t help but smile.
Rihyuk, faced with my laughter, bowed his head again.
“Ugh…”
“…”
What’s this? This novel feeling of discomfort.
As we approached the ranch, a man in his fifties greeted us.
With every gust of wind, his lean figure became apparent beneath his clothes, yet he seemed incredibly sturdy.
“Welcome to the ranch.”
“Hello!”
“I am Kim Sang-chul, the operator of this thousand-year-old ranch.”
Perhaps due to the promotion, the ranch owner’s expression was bright, holding a broadcast microphone.
“Come on in, please.”
Mr. Kim led us inside.
As the pungent smell hit us, Rihyuk’s eyes widened in surprise, and we all marveled at the interior of the barn.
“Wow!”
The black and white spotted dairy cows.
The fences were structured to face each other with the cows pushing their heads through to munch on hay.
“Wow.”
It was such a familiar setup that I commented.
“It’s like a military barracks.”
“…How do you get that impression?”
“Just look, it’s just like a barracks, right, Mr. Rihyuk?”
No one agreed, except for the assistant director and the camera director, who looked at the cows with somewhat sad eyes.
As the camera captured the barn, we all stood in the center.
Mr. Kim said.
“I heard you’re here to help out today…”
“Yes! That’s why we dressed this way!”
“You’re well-prepared. You’ve come thoroughly equipped.”
“Right.”
Junghyun whispered softly, almost like ASMR.
“We usually eat beef every day, but we stopped yesterday to get rid of the smell.”
“Ah, but why are you whispering all of a sudden…?”
“The cows might hear and feel offended.”
I asked with a bewildered face.
“Are you Prime Minister Hwang Hee?”
Everyone burst into laughter, and Junghyun shook his head.
“There’s a nuance, you know. Brother, it’s like when a foreigner swears in their language, it still has a vibe.”
The owner stroked his chin in agreement.
“Oh, that’s quite a valid point.”
“Isn’t it?”
“But where have I seen you before… Ah! You’re the young man who grows leeks in a pot!”
I laughed at the mention of having seen Junghyun’s face connected to dairy farming on YouTube.
As time passed, it seemed they recognized us more and more.
Meanwhile, Rihyuk, who had missed the timing to explain the story involving Prime Minister Hwang Hee, looked downcast.
Reporter Min Hyo-jin smiled brightly.
“Mr. Owner! What work should we do now?”
“Nothing too difficult. Just take a broom like this and sweep the hay towards where the cows are.”
“Understood!”
We gathered the hay in the center and pushed it towards the dairy cows on either side.
We began to work, humming a tune.
But then.
“The cows are really shy.”
“Indeed.”
Every time we approached, the cows would stop eating the hay and step back, watching us closely.
Jiho asked.
“I see there’s a hands-on program here. Kids must come often, so the cows should be used to people. They’re still shy.”
“Maybe it feels different. Even if we wave to a stranger calling out to us outside, it would be scary if they suddenly prepared dinner at our house.”
“Your explanation is as accurate as a weather forecast.”
“…”
While this was happening, nearby, Bijoo timidly offered hay to a dairy cow.
The cow stared at Bijoo for a moment before turning its head away.
“…Hey! Why are you ignoring me?”
Jiho summarized the scene.
I came home to find a stranger thrusting a spoonful of doenjang jjigae at me, an utterly bizarre situation.
“Right?”
“How is it? Does it feel like youth?”
“Well, I’m not sure about that, but I can tell your Korean is legendary.”
While we were having this serious conversation, the writer bowed his head deeply, his body shaking with laughter.
Meanwhile, the camera director and assistant director seemed to be in the most extreme of jobs.
“Where should I film this? PD Kim, give me some guidance.”
“Uh… Just a moment, Director.”
He seemed anxious not to miss a single shot, given that every direction he looked was a potential scene.
A slight smile appeared on my face as the assistant director joined in with a handycam.
The recording was going well… I was certain of it.
“Argh!”
Rihyuk screamed, showing his soaked work gloves.
“This guy, he just licked me! He licked me!”
“Oh no.”
“No, the cow’s tongue just licked…”
“That’s nice. Do you like it because it’s as pure as a calf?”
“The calves adore you, Hyung! They treat you so well!”
I envied Rihyuk, who was receiving a strange affection offensive from the dairy cows.
“Exactly.”
It was our youngest who had captured the camera’s attention.
The cows were shy around us and reporter Min Hyo-jin, but they seemed particularly friendly towards Jung-hyun.
“If you eat this, we’re friends.”
The cows eagerly accepted what Jung-hyun offered.
Jiho whispered,
“A stranger offers you doenjang jjigae and asks to be friends.”
“Stop it. This is the doenjang jjigae.”
Reporter Min Hyo-jin and President Kim exclaimed in awe.
“The cows are really fond of Jung-hyun!”
“Cows usually shy away from strangers… Are you perhaps born in the year of the Ox?”
Jung-hyun shook his head warmly.
“I’m born in the year of the Pig.”
“That can’t be.”
“I did hear that a cow appeared in my birth dream.”
“No wonder.”
We burst into laughter at the nonsensical chatter unfolding in real-time.
As we shared these stories, the reporter and I wiped the sweat from our foreheads, having finished our work.
Then the tour of the barn continued.
“This is where the milking happens.”
“Wow.”
“You can milk by hand, but it would take all day, so we use a milking machine.”
“Can you do it by hand?”
“Do you want to try?”
“I’d rather watch someone else do it.”
Everyone, including Rihyuk, clenched their fists and turned their heads towards me, their eyes shining.
Their white teeth sparkled as they grinned broadly.
“…”
I received a golden tip and became the first idol to milk a cow.
President Kim admired my technique.
“You’re good at this. Better than a person.”
“Really?”
“…I am a person! A person!”
Everyone laughed at my protest.
While this was happening, our member who aspired to be a farmer joined in and impressed President Kim with his skill.
“This group is full of promising talents.”
He then showed us how the machine worked.
We marveled at the modern marvel as the milking machine efficiently drew milk.
Reporter Min Hyo-jin asked for some useful information.
“President, what makes a good dairy cow?”
“Well, there are several factors… First, here’s the udder. The bigger it is, the better.”
“Um… Yes…”
“And see these veins? These are the milk lines; prominence indicates a good cow.”
“Ah… Yes, yes…”
Feeling somewhat embarrassed, we looked away as we answered, and Reporter Min Hyo-jin couldn’t help but laugh.
With that, we learned about milk production and the advanced technology and techniques used in dairy farming.
As the cows chewed on hay in the barn, the boss pointed at them and said, “The British have done some recent research. If you name the cows and pat their backs…”
“Do they live longer?”
“Well, it turns out their milk production increases by 3.4%.”
“Ah, then, boss! What’s this one’s name?”
“That’s 0815.”
We burst into laughter upon hearing that, despite talking about naming them, he had actually assigned a number that sounded like a prisoner’s ID.
Rihyuk exclaimed with a laugh, “Then let’s call this one ‘Gwangbok’.”
“Everyone says that, but they only recognize her as 0815…”
“Ah, I see.”
“It seems that concept is lost on those from abroad.”
After Junghyun’s nonsensical chatter, I asked, “So, do you pat their backs every day too?”
“With so many cows, we can’t manage that…”
“Then, since you’ve only named them, has the milk increased by 1.7%?”
“…How did you know that?”
“Huh?”
The members and the reporter burst into laughter at the sight of the boss and me staring at each other with wide eyes.
Meanwhile, at the ranch where laughter erupted, the production crew followed the cast with worried expressions.
“What should we do, PD? We haven’t even filmed the main scene for the segment yet.”
“What a mess. We’ve already gone through part two in just an hour.”
“We don’t have a part two, you know? And we need to get enough footage for the other segments too…”
“This is tangled. Really tangled.”
In this unprecedented situation, with no idea how to proceed with the editing.
“Then, while we’re cleaning the barn, let’s play with the cows! A real ‘Cow Theater’ tour!”
“Oh! That’s brilliant! A Cow Theater tour!”
“Let’s go, reporter!”
As New Black ran off laughing with the reporter and the ranch owner, the staff were left with blank expressions.
“…”
Joining , I had never experienced such a draining moment before.