Weather: Spring day. Picked up anemones at the convenience store.
It’s been a while since I’ve written in my diary.
The seniors from New Black came down to the practice room!!! They were incredibly handsome, truly.
It was the first time I’d seen such handsomeness in my life.
I realized the compliments from my mom and sisters about my looks were all lies, and I felt a bit down, but seeing the snacks the seniors brought made me instantly happy, haha.
But I thought it was tteokbokki… It turned out to be beef…!!!
“Wow…”
The trainee who was excited for tteokbokki took the envelope.
It was like a meerkat gathering.
One looked inside the envelope, and the others gathered around, peering curiously.“Wow. It’s really beef…”
“Whoa…”
“Thank you so much!”
As one bowed in gratitude, the others quickly followed suit.
I said with a smile, “Shall we sit down?”
“Oh! Yes!”
I waved off a trainee who was about to clean the practice room floor with wet wipes.
After getting everyone seated.
“Let’s set up.”
“Okay.”
I stopped the trainees who were about to get up again and opened the locker to take out what we needed.
Laying down newspapers.
“Ah! So that’s what the newspapers were for.”
“Wow. They were for the meat.”
“No wonder there was a cutlery box from a meat restaurant.”
Jun-hyeon took out the cutlery box.
The trainees marveled, not looking like first-timers, and we smiled proudly.
After setting up the plates and donning aprons.
I pointed to the foil-wrapped beef in front of the six trainees seated around us in a circle.
“Eat up.”
Silence.
Gulp.
Everyone was swallowing saliva but not reaching out.
I exchanged glances with my younger peers.
‘Why aren’t they eating?’
‘Is it because we’re here?’
‘Should we disappear?’
Does someone watching make them not want to eat?
While I was thinking this, a trainee with a rather timid look cautiously raised his hand.
He must have been about middle school age. His voice was small and thin.
“Um…”
“Yes?”
“Is it really okay to eat this?”
“Huh?”
Caught off guard by the unexpected question, we blinked.
The trainee hesitated and then said,
“Isn’t this a test of patience where if we eat the beef, we fail? Or will the rookie development team suddenly come and get angry…”
“That would never happen.”
“It did at my previous company…”
“What a strange company. What was its name?”
“QT Entertainment.”
Rihyuk chuckled.
It was the agency that had acquired Eoullim Entertainment, where Rihyuk used to be a trainee.
I remember it had a very strange culture.
Bijoo said with a laugh and a gentle voice,
“Our company doesn’t scold you over food.”
“That’s right. That’s right.”
As the trainees’ faces brightened, Bijoo smiled warmly.
“The training is just really tough and hard. But other than that, we’re very free. Isn’t that great?”
Silence.
The trainees’ expressions turned grim.
They looked like new soldiers who had just been told, ‘Our unit has no bad traditions. It’s just the training that’s tough.’
We smiled at the trainees who were still cautiously wondering, “Is it really okay to eat this?”
“Just eat comfortably. I came to visit because I wanted to give you some snacks.”
“Then…”
The trainee who seemed to be the leader of the group, having accepted the envelope, beamed brightly.
“We’ll enjoy the meal!”
“That’s the spirit. Now, everyone, pick up your chopsticks. It’s been a while since you’ve had beef, right?”
“Yes, it’s the first time since the CEO bought us some on the first day…!”
They must have been very hungry because they started devouring the food eagerly.
The trainee who had been smiling brightly said,
“I think this is the first time I’ve had beef as a snack! I love it!”
“I’m glad to hear that. I was worried that bringing snacks might be too much, so I deliberately chose American beef.”
“Choke! Cough!”
I wondered why they started laughing while eating when I was trying to ease their burden.
“How is it? The beef that Junghyun grilled, it’s good, isn’t it?”
“Yes!”
“He even ranked in a meat grilling contest, so he really knows how to cook it well.”
As Junghyun nodded proudly, the trainees covered their mouths with chopsticks and laughed, clapping their hands.
Then one of the trainees said,
“But the pamphlet here says all the meat is Korean beef.”
“Oops.”
I was caught immediately—it was actually a Korean beef assortment.
Just as a touch of emotion was about to flicker in the trainees’ eyes,
“How about that? Wasn’t that cool? It was supposed to be American beef, but turned out to be Korean beef—a touching true story.”
“…”
The trainees’ eyes, which were about to be moved, cooled down.
Meanwhile, we whispered as we checked their faces.
“These kids are all so handsome.”
“Right. They are good-looking.”
Jiho chimed in.
Despite the baby fat, making them look cute, all six had very distinct features.
We had also exchanged names by then.
“Excuse me.”
“Yes! Senior!”
“What’s your name?”
“It’s… Choke! Cough!”
The trainees choked, and Rihyuk clicked his tongue.
“I get that you want to be friendly with the younger ones, but leave them alone when they’re eating, mister.”
“I just wanted to be friendly.”
“Let’s just go. Our very presence here is a burden.”
“But…”
The rest shook their heads.
We knew they’d be uncomfortable with us around, but our desire to observe the newbies was stronger.
Junghyun said,
“Well, they might have some questions…”
“Right. If they need anything, we should help them out.”
“Like tips for tricking the scale and little tricks for company life.”
“They might get stuck from the first monthly evaluation. Maybe we could help them with the basic dance routine…”
Rihyuk shook his head at our dawdling excuses.
The leader trainee, eating a prime cut, spoke up boldly,
“That’s right. We’re all happy to have our seniors here.”
“Thank you. Tteokbokki friend. Your name is…?”
“I’m Lee Jin-hoo!”
He said he was in the third year of middle school. The oldest here.
A trainee with a timid look also raised his hand and said,
“I’m Kim Bok…”
“How cute.”
We were all ‘aww’ over the warm and cute ‘Bok’ character when,
“…is my name.”
“Pardon?”
“Kim Bok-soo.”
“Oh.”
We clapped our hands and said,
“That sounds like a name we should take good care of.”
“Pfft, chuckle!”
I don’t know what was so funny, but the trainees coughed as they ate.
As the water was poured into paper cups, the trainees’ introductions continued.
“My name is Kang Yoon-su. I’m 16.”
“Oh, Yoon-su!”
Jiho greeted him with a high-five and a hearty laugh.
A plump-cheeked trainee named Kang Yoon-su clapped back, somewhat bewildered.
“It’s really nice to meet you. My role was Yoon-su when I had a cameo in ‘Sleep’.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Though it was a role that died in the first episode.”
The trainees exchanged glances, unsure how to react to Jiho’s joking demeanor.
“Looks like we’re all middle schoolers here.”
“Ah. Originally, there were seven of us, including a second-year high school senior.”
Jin-hoo, with his bright eyes, added.
“That… dampened the mood…”
“Ah.”
The sentence was left unfinished, but the meaning was clear.
It seemed the high school trainee had been cut for trying to assert dominance among the younger ones.
It happens sometimes.
No matter how skilled, trainees who ruin the atmosphere are out. Those who cause discord during training are likely to do so after debut as well.
No matter how good-looking or talented, an idol’s life is about group activities.
“Oh, so we’re all middle schoolers.”
We nodded at Jung-hyun’s remark, catching on to the company’s blueprint.
Ages ranged from 14 to 16.
Except for two from other agencies, all were from vocal schools or new to being trainees.
This suggested a debut for the next boy group around 2019 or 2020.
It seemed the plan was to pick fresh faces to mold into Lemon Entertainment’s image.
The younger they are, the more the company can manage their school and personal lives.
As I pondered this, a voice echoed in my ear.
“Ah, damn it…!”
Was it a few days ago?
I remembered the neighborhood boys cursing at the gum stuck to their shoe soles.
Idols from MOP Entertainment who started as trainees in their youth, debuting at an average age of 15.4.
A warm smile formed on my lips.
Maybe some lessons, like character education, just don’t stick…
Jin-hoo said.
“But even after the third round, there were a lot of high school and college students.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. After the first, second, and third rounds, there was a one-on-one interview with Producer Cho Kyu-hwan for the fourth round.”
“Ah.”
“After that, only six, no, seven of us remained.”
It was Producer Cho’s pick.
Our director, famous for his keen insight, had handpicked these gems.
We were all eager to show our skills, but we patiently held back.
We couldn’t risk scaring anyone off by putting too much pressure on them.
“So, maybe here we could start prac…”
“No, not that.”
The youngest firmly stopped me with a raised hand.
Trainee Jin-hoo’s Diary
While eating meat, they asked us various questions.
The seniors are amazing.
They communicate with just a look, which is fascinating. How do they understand each other with just a glance?
And Senior Woojoo has an incredible memory.
He remembered Yoon-su’s face from the audition line and mentioned it after the seniors left, which made Yoon-su unbearably smug.
Anyway, today felt like being with people from a completely different world.
Those people from the TV were alive and breathing right in front of us, which was mind-blowing.
They even invited us to watch their concert this year… and we even exchanged numbers…!
We managed our expressions, but inside, we all felt like cursing in awe.
I bragged to my mom over the phone that New Black was in my contacts!!! She agreed it was the greatest achievement of my life.
And after exchanging phone numbers, the last words they said to us were memorable.
After the snack.
The trainees, having finished tidying up, stood up to see off New Black.
Bijoo asked with a hint of concern, “Did you all eat enough?”
“Yes!”
“It was really just a snack. I’m not sure if it’s enough to fill you up…”
It sounded like something a grandmother would say during the holidays.
Despite feeling full enough to skip dinner, the members of New Black expressed their sympathy with sighs of “Oh dear,” promising to treat us to real meat next time. 𝑅ÀNǒβƐș
I wondered, ‘How much do they usually eat?’
As this question lingered in my mind, the leader of New Black, who had been observing a corner of the practice room, spoke like a principal giving a moral lesson.
“There’s something I want to say.”
The trainees’ eyes widened in focus, anticipating advice as precious as salt and light.
Woojoo pointed towards a distant wall.
There was a round mark where a clock had once been, but now, the wall was bare.
“Why do you think there’s no clock in this practice room?”
Silence.
It was a profound question.
‘What could it be?’
Trainee Lee Jinho pondered deeply.
The reason for the absence of a clock in the practice room.
As everyone seemed lost in thought, eager to answer first, he quickly raised his hand.
“Me!”
He exclaimed.
“I think I know!”
“Oh? What is it?”
“The absence of a clock means we should practice so hard that we lose track of time!”
“Hmm…”
Woojoo responded.
“That’s a commendable spirit, but it’s not correct.”
“What? Really?”
Woojoo scratched the back of his head.
“The reason there’s no clock is… hey, when did we take that down?”
“Probably when Clay visited.”
“Ah, right. Anyway, the reason there’s no clock is that we took it down ourselves.”
As we felt an inexplicable embarrassment,
The leader of New Black gave the trainees a kind smile.
“The reason I brought this up is to remind you to speak up if you need anything from the company.”
“Ah…”
“It’s good to practice hard, but make sure to utilize the company to its fullest until your debut. Everyone here is supportive.”
The trainees nodded in agreement.
With that advice, the members of New Black picked up their coats and left.
“See you next time!”
“Take care!”
After admiring the members walking towards the elevator rather than the stairs,
“Wow!”
“Whoa!”
“Damn, that’s awesome!”
Those who had been modest in front of New Black now shouted “Wow!” in excitement.
Kang Yoonsoo, who had shaken hands with New Black, raised his wrist high, calling for more handshakes, and everyone waved their hands in awe.
Amidst the excited voices,
Trainee Lee Jinho noticed a quiet peer.
“Boksun? What’s wrong?”
“Well, I was just thinking… something seems off…”
Boksun hesitated.
“Why would they remove the clock from the practice room when we have guests?”
“It’s obvious, isn’t it? Just like a department store. They want us to lose track of time.”
“Wait, what?”
“Wait, what?”
It was then that they realized something was amiss, their faces turning pale.
Like Hansel and Gretel,
They had been delighted to enter a house made of sweets, only to discover it was the witch’s lair.
After meeting with the trainees, I held out four USBs to my younger siblings.
“Here’s a mission for you guys.”
I repeated the same story I had told the two composers earlier.
“I’m trying to fix this song and would appreciate your advice after listening to it.”
“Well, I’ll think about it when I have time.”
“Rihyuk, give the USB back. You don’t have to do it.”
“No, please don’t take it! Wait, that’s not what I meant!”
We all burst into laughter at Rihyuk’s desperate expression, quickly changing his words.
Jiho looked at the USB and asked,
“Do we just need to give our opinions?”
“That would be great. But since you all know the basics of composing, it would be even better if you could make some modifications.”
“I’ll definitely try to modify it. Brother!”
I laughed at Bijoo’s enthusiastic response.
Then I said,
“Really, don’t feel pressured. The director and PD said it’s a problem I need to figure out.”
I wasn’t expecting much, honestly. Everyone was already pressed for time with their own specialties to practice.
I waved goodbye to my siblings as they took the USBs, understanding the task.
“Let’s meet again at dinner.”
“Okay!”
After everyone dispersed to practice their dance and vocals,
I sighed deeply…
Sitting at the workroom table, I pulled out an item I had kept in my pocket.
It was a USB given by Ha Seungju.
He said it contained a video extracted from a videotape with footage of my parents.
The USB felt warm, probably because it had been in my pocket.
I cautiously plugged it into my laptop.
The ding sound made me flinch, filled with an inexplicable tension and anxiety.
There was only one file.
A video titled ‘1997_04_11’.
Swallowing hard and taking a deep breath, I clicked on the video.
My heart pounded in my ears, as if I were about to perform at a concert.
As the loading time felt like an eternity,
The screen brightened.
In a brightly lit room,
My father sat in a space resembling a music studio, fiddling with his fingers, possibly working on a composition.
It seemed like Ha Seungju, holding the camera, walked towards him and asked,
“What are you doing, brother?”
“Hmm, working on a composition.”
“…That’s not it, is it?”
When the camera zoomed in on the notepad, phrases like ‘Myeong-eun♡’ were revealed.
Ha Seungju laughed, and my father smiled sheepishly.
“Hey, Seungju. Don’t film this kind of stuff.”
“But it’s a memory.”
“What will Woojoo think later? That dad is always silly?”
But that’s not true.
“If you’re going to film, film Myeong-eun and Woojoo.”
“Okay.”
The camera panned to show my mother sitting at a distance, holding a four-year-old child in her arms.
“Sister-in-law.”
“Oh, you startled me!”
Our mother laughed and waved at the camcorder.
Then she took the little child’s hand and waved it.
“Woojoo, let’s say hello to the camera. Hello~”
“Hello!”
While the people from 1997 burst into laughter, I waved along.
Hello, mom.
While dad’s face often appears on YouTube, I’ve mostly seen mom’s face in photos.
It felt strange to see my parents, who aren’t much older than I am now, unlike the other members’ parents…
But it was nice just to see their faces.
As the camera captured my mom and me, my dad’s playful voice narrated.
“Indeed, my wife. How can someone be so beautiful?”
“Yes, yes.”
“Seung-ju, control your expression.”
“Yes, brother.”
As the camera zoomed in, Dad began to whisper.
“Our son is the cutest in the world. So cute…”
“But he really is incredibly cute. He’s going to be handsome when he grows up.”
“Of course. Whose son is he?”
Then Dad got up and started running towards us.
“Son, come to Daddy.”
“I like Mom better. You don’t play, Dad.”
The child firmly refused.
Dad’s face crumbled with frustration, and the other two laughed.
“Son, just a few more years of work, and then Dad will take a long rest. We’ll have plenty of time to play together then.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Do you want Dad to teach you how to make songs?”
The video cut off with the last image of Mom smiling in the background.
Seung-ju muttered ‘Oh no, the battery,’ indicating the battery had died.
After the video ended.
I stared at the frozen screen, lost in thought.
I pride myself on having a better memory than most, but it’s frustrating not to remember that time.
Still, it was a great joy to see Mom and Dad’s personal moments in a moving video.
It made me want to see them after such a long time.
I wanted to meet and exchange a few words, to let them know I’m doing well.
I wanted to talk about the members too.
There’s so much I want to say.
But such a thing isn’t possible. I just waved a small hand at Mom and Dad in the frozen frame.
“Goodbye~”
I miss you both.
And I’m doing well.
“…”
I shook my head to clear the tears that had formed and wrote a message.
I sent a thank you note to Seung-ju and forwarded the video file to Grandma. She would surely love it.
With that thought, I turned my gaze back to the music composition screen.
Though I felt a bit subdued, there was a warm tingling sensation that wasn’t unpleasant.
I quietly smiled and clicked the mouse.