Back Memory Lost - Chapter 146: Memory Lost - Chapter 133: I Want to Kill Part 2

Chapter 146: Memory Lost - Chapter 133: I Want to Kill Part 2

📖 8 min read 📝 1,774 words 👁 0 views 🗓 Jun 11, 2026

Chapter 133: I Want to Kill Part 2

He continues smoking until the whole apartment is filled with enough smoke to choke others. He’s not someone who smokes often nonetheless; he coughs non-stop as he throws the cigarette butts into the trash. But he falls into a daze again by himself.

A thought inexplicably springs into his mind——they are just a couple tens of meters away in an apartment hugging each other intimately.

This thought stings his heart as always. He’s not someone who thinks too much or lets his imagination run wild. But right now, after today, a certain kind of stress and emotions that he has suppressed for a long time seem to be shouting to break free from control.

Probably because he’s too tired, Xu Si Bai doesn’t remember when he falls asleep. And the dream he has tonight is clearer and more intense than all of the ones he has had before. He dreams that Bai Jin Xi is leaning in his embrace, looking up at him and smiling.

He dreams about her holding his hand, walking into a white colored home filled with warmth from the sunlight. She guides him toward the bed and she entangles with his body like vines and kisses every inch of him. She moans and shivers like a young beast underneath him. She stares at him with such affectionate and happy eyes. muffled words come out between their lips. Only three words repeat: I love you, I love you, I love you……

You are so perfect like this, so how can I not love you?

Xu Si Bai wakes up from trembling.

He realizes that it’s in the middle of the night and his whole body is sticky yet soft, and comfort. For someone who has never had any experiences with women, it’s too pleasurable. But after pleasure, it’s the enormous feeling of emptiness and ridicule.

It turns out that he can only have her in his dreams.

Yet he actually doesn’t want to wake up from it.

_____

Two days later.

A’s real identity and facial features have finally been confirmed.

“Xia Jun Ai, male, 24 years old, from Beijing. We can confirm that within the seven-member organization, he is the serial killer with the code name, ‘A. ’” Xiao Zhuan still hasn’t been dispatched from the hospital, so Chatterbox is responsible for gathering information and giving the brief summaries. He’s standing in front of the projector and is introducing the man in the photo to the Black Shield Team as well as to the other criminal investigators.

“On the morning of the 14th, Xia Jun Ai, or A, appeared at the Sichuan Building which was no more than fifty meters away from Jianfeng Building where the explosion happened. It was rush hour for work at the time and he’s not an employee of the building. The surveillance camera caught him coming down from the 25th floor two minutes after the explosion. But he was wearing a mask and a baseball cap at the time, so we couldn’t make out his facial features to confirm his identity.”

Chatterbox moves his mouse and an image from the surveillance camera appears on the screen. The rest of the members of the Black Shield Team are sitting in the front row; Su Mian is sitting beside Han Chen and has her head up looking at the screen. The image clearly shows a man with a tall and slender body wearing a baseball cap and a blue janitor uniform walking past a corner of the building. Despite he disguises well, Su Mian can recognize him right away.

Her gaze shifts sideways and spots Xu Si Bai with the corner of her eye unintentionally. He’s sitting at the very end of the first row. Compared to the day of the explosion, he looks a lot better now. Light gray jacket, white shirt, and dark brown trousers. Besides having a bandaid on the side of his forehead and on his wrist, he’s still the same elegant and refined person. And in these few days, there hasn’t been much difference in their interactions. They don’t mention what happened that day; they nod and greet each other whenever they bump into one another; familiar yet distant.

Su Mian remains quiet for a moment before lifting her head and looking at the screen again.

Su Mian remains quiet for a moment before lifting her head and looking at the screen again.

Chatterbox continues with the info, “……however, there were police officers around that office building at the time and it was even sealed off. Therefore, when that brat came down, he would have had to take off his mask. He’s very smart though. He almost avoided all of the cameras. But! There will always be a miss no matter how intricate your plan is. At the time, the office entrance was surrounded by onlookers taking photos, and we were able to find a clear image of him from one of them! And based on time, place, body figure, the way he walked, and facial features, he must be A!”

Everybody’s eyes are on the screen.

It’s a very refined looking man who also looks very young, but his facial features already carry a grown man’s sharpness. He has short and fluffy black hair and long and narrow eyes. His pupils are black as ink and look as if they carry a smile. He has a tall nose, thin lips, and fair white skin.

Since he’s wearing a black casual jacket, long brown pants, and running shoes, he looks like a student and a young man who has just started working at the same time.

And as Su Mian stares at his refined face, she feels mixed emotions inside her heart. It’s uncomfortable; very uncomfortable. There’s a bit of pain, but mostly it’s hatred. She recalls him calling her “Big Sister” all the time while carrying all sorts of child-like resentment feelings. Yet she doesn’t know that between him and her, what kind of a relationship they had back then.

“We’ve done some research and Xia Jun Ai’s hometown is in Shaanxi Province. His family was too poor, so he moved to Beijing with his parents when he was little, becoming a ‘little Beijing drifter. ’ His family was poor and his dad was a known thief. When he was eight, his father was beaten to death due to a conflict between others in regards to an unfair split of the stolen goods. His mom worked part-time, and the mother and son couple lived a very hard life. At the age of 12, his mom fell ill and they didn’t have money to treat her or had insurance. She died at home as a result. Since he was little, he had been stealing for a living, and therefore, he has a record at the Beijing police station a long time ago. He stopped studying after graduating from junior high school, but he earned full scores for physics and chemistry and even won the top prize in numerous competitions,” Chatterbox continues to summarize the events of his life, “Five years ago, at the time of the 420 case, he was only 19. He had already been drifting by himself for a few years and no one knew where he had been or what he had been doing.”

_____

Nighttime.

At a warehouse in a suburban area.

At a warehouse in a suburban area.

The sky is dark and the lights are kept off inside the abandoned warehouse. Only L is holding a very old-fashioned European-style candle lamp. He places it on the wooden table that is covered in dust. He then fetches for a handkerchief, lays it down on the broken couch, and sits down slowly.

A doesn’t care as much. He sits his bottom down on the couch, almost crushing it. He can’t help but complain, “L, this is getting out of hand! You’re responsible for finding the place for us to connect. The first few times were alright. They were five-star hotels or mansions. And then we met at a motel, and now we’re in a warehouse in the middle of nowhere. Are you being funny?”

R on the side is sitting quietly as he lights up a cigarette and doesn’t say anything. L lets out a “hmph!” and retorts, “Xia Jun Ai! Who do you think has caused us to become like this? Your name and high-definition photo are already printed on the most wanted poster now. If we don’t meet here, did you want to meet up at the front of the police station?”

A can’t find words to talk back. Instead, he smiles, puts a cigarette in his mouth and says mockingly, “How much better are you? Have your wounds healed yet? Your common places of activity are now full of officers patrolling the area. I think you’re going on the wanted list next.”

“Enough,” R speaks finally after being quiet all this time.

The moment he speaks, A and L both quiet down.

R is sitting in the darkest shadowed area. It’s hard to make out his face; only the cigarette between his fingers is burning slowly. His voice is deep yet crisp but is rather cold as if it carries a sense of indifference naturally.

“Our plan hasn’t been going too well. The two of you are pretty much exposed and may be caught by the Black Shields one day. We don’t have much time and we won’t have more opportunities to commit crimes,” he pauses before continuing, “so it’s time to end everything.”

A and L nod.

“Let’s leave it at that then,” R confirms the decision.

A and L nod.

“Let’s leave it at that then,” R confirms the decision.

“R, they killed three of us,” L says suddenly, “If it’s time to put an end to everything, we should kill three of them too.”

R doesn’t answer. A butts in, “Three? Including Han Chen?”

L’s voice is stubborn yet cold, “Of course. If we don’t kill him, how is it putting an end to everything?”

A laughs out loud, “Oh please. Do you even dare to kill Han Chen?”

R continues to be silent while the two of them bicker at each other.

“Why would I not dare to?” L says.

A spurts out another laugh, “Let’s talk when you can really kill him.”

⚙️ Reading Settings

Memory Lost — Chapters

Ch.1 Memory Lost - Chapter 1: A Beauty as Always Jun 9 Ch.2 Memory Lost - Chapter 2: Underhanded Tricks Jun 11 Ch.3 Memory Lost - Chapter 3: Forensic Investigator Si Bai Jun 11 Ch.4 Memory Lost - Chapter 4: First Dream Jun 11 Ch.5 Memory Lost - Chapter 5: Criminal Investigator Han Chen Jun 11 Ch.6 Memory Lost - Chapter 6: Beginning of the Battle Jun 11 Ch.7 Memory Lost - Chapter 7: Your Brokenness Jun 11 Ch.8 Memory Lost - Chapter 8: Handsome bastard Jun 11 Ch.9 Memory Lost - Chapter 9: My Capability Jun 11 Ch.10 Memory Lost - Chapter 10: The Suspects Jun 11 Ch.11 Memory Lost - Chapter 11: Between Time and space Jun 11 Ch.12 Memory Lost - Chapter 12: My True Love Jun 11 Ch.13 Memory Lost - Chapter 13: Brother Han the thirteen Jun 11 Ch.14 Memory Lost - Chapter 14: Black Gloves Jun 11 Ch.15 Memory Lost - Chapter 15: His Tenacity Jun 11 Ch.16 Memory Lost - Chapter 16: Obsession + mini side story Jun 11 Ch.17 Memory Lost - Chapter 17: Reflection of Beauty Jun 11 Ch.18 Memory Lost - Chapter 18: Prologue to T Jun 11 Ch.19 Memory Lost - Chapter 19: You Step Forward I Step Back Jun 11 Ch.20 Memory Lost - Chapter 20: So Gentle Jun 11 Ch.21 Memory Lost - Chapter 21: As Cute as Her Jun 11 Ch.22 Memory Lost - Chapter 22: The Sophisticated Me Jun 11 Ch.23 Memory Lost - Chapter 23: Working Together Long Term Jun 11 Ch.24 Memory Lost - Chapter 24: Sniping Heaven Jun 11 Ch.25 Memory Lost - Chapter 25: Jin Xi’s Grief Jun 11 Ch.26 Memory Lost - Chapter 26: A Series of Inferences Jun 11 Ch.27 Memory Lost - Chapter 27: Turbulences in the Background Jun 11 Ch.28 Memory Lost - Chapter 28: Soaring Little Bird Jun 11 Ch.29 Memory Lost - Chapter 29: T’s Plan (1 of 3) Jun 11 Ch.30 Memory Lost - Chapter 29: T’s Plan (2 of 3) Jun 11 Ch.31 Memory Lost - Chapter 29: T’s Plan (3 of 3) Jun 11 Ch.32 Memory Lost - Chapter 30: Drinks for Today + mini side story Jun 11 Ch.33 Memory Lost - Chapter 31: Dearest T (1 of 2) Jun 11 Ch.34 Memory Lost - Chapter 31: Dearest T (2 of 2) Jun 11 Ch.35 Memory Lost - Chapter 32: My Hero Jun 11 Ch.36 Memory Lost - Chapter 33: Falling into Deep Sleep Together Jun 11 Ch.37 Memory Lost - Chapter 34: Praying Mantis Preying on Cicada Jun 11 Ch.38 Memory Lost - Chapter 35: The Beginning of Death Jun 11 Ch.39 Memory Lost - Chapter 36: Possible Light Jun 11 Ch.40 Memory Lost - Chapter 37: Admiring Heart + mini side story Jun 11 Ch.41 Memory Lost - Chapter 38: My Gentleness (1 of 2) Jun 11 Ch.42 Memory Lost - Chapter 38: My Gentleness (2 of 2) Jun 11 Ch.43 Memory Lost - Chapter 39: A Bunch of Idiots Jun 11 Ch.44 Memory Lost - Chapter 40: Him Alone Jun 11 Ch.45 Memory Lost - Chapter 41: T’s Torture Chamber Jun 11 Ch.46 Memory Lost - Chapter 42: Confidante (1 of 3) Jun 11 Ch.47 Memory Lost - Chapter 42: Confidante (2 of 3) Jun 11 Ch.48 Memory Lost - Chapter 42: Confidante (3 of 3) Jun 11 Ch.49 Memory Lost - Chapter 43: Perhaps It’s You Jun 11 Ch.50 Memory Lost - Chapter 44: Awakening of a Loyal Wolf (1 of 2) Jun 11 Ch.51 Memory Lost - Chapter 44: Awakening of a Loyal Wolf (2 of 2) Jun 11 Ch.52 Memory Lost - Chapter 45: Feelings for Each Other Jun 11 Ch.53 Memory Lost - Chapter 46: The Blurry You (1 of 2) Jun 11 Ch.54 Memory Lost - Chapter 46: The Blurry You (2 of 2) Jun 11 Ch.55 Memory Lost - Chapter 47: Our Promise (1 or 2) Jun 11 Ch.56 Memory Lost - Chapter 47: Our Promise (2 of 2) + mini side story Jun 11 Ch.57 Memory Lost - Chapter 48: Come Home with Me Jun 11 Ch.58 Memory Lost - Chapter 49: The Everyday Life of Living Together (1 of 2) Jun 11 Ch.59 Memory Lost - Chapter 49: The Everyday Life of Living Together (2 of 2) Jun 11 Ch.60 Memory Lost - Chapter 50: Hand in Hand (1 of 2) Jun 11 Ch.61 Memory Lost - Chapter 50: Hand in Hand (2 of 2) Jun 11 Ch.62 Memory Lost - Chapter 51: Mentally Ill Jun 11 Ch.63 Memory Lost - Chapter 52: Pure and Passionate Love (1 of 2) Jun 11 Ch.64 Memory Lost - Chapter 52: Pure and Passionate Love (2 of 2) Jun 11 Ch.65 Memory Lost - Chapter 53: The Spirit of Inferences Jun 11 Ch.66 Memory Lost - Chapter 54: Painstaking Investigation Jun 11 Ch.67 Memory Lost - Chapter 55: She’s Better Than Me (1 of 2) Jun 11 Ch.68 Memory Lost - Chapter 55: She’s Better Than Me (2 of 2) Jun 11 Ch.69 Memory Lost - Chapter 56: The First Sight of Suspicion Part 1 Jun 11 Ch.70 Memory Lost - Chapter 57: The First Sight of Suspicion Part 2 Jun 11 Ch.71 Memory Lost - Chapter 58: My Heart’s Addiction Jun 11 Ch.72 Memory Lost - Chapter 59: His True Face Part 1 Jun 11 Ch.73 Memory Lost - Chapter 60: His True Face Part 2 Jun 11 Ch.74 Memory Lost - Chapter 61: Who’s Being a Psycho Part 1 Jun 11 Ch.75 Memory Lost - Chapter 61: Who’s Being a Psycho Part 2 Jun 11 Ch.76 Memory Lost - Chapter 63: As a Monster Jun 11 Ch.77 Memory Lost - Chapter 64: A Gentleman’s Etiquette Jun 11 Ch.78 Memory Lost - Chapter 65: True Lies Jun 11 Ch.79 Memory Lost - Chapter 66: Typical Case Part 1 Jun 11 Ch.80 Memory Lost - Chapter 67: Typical Case Part 2 Jun 11 Ch.81 Memory Lost - Chapter 68: A Profile within the Profile Part 1 Jun 11 Ch.82 Memory Lost - Chapter 69: A Profile within the Profile Part 2 Jun 11 Ch.83 Memory Lost - Chapter 70: Killing by Imitation Part 1 Jun 11 Ch.84 Memory Lost - Chapter 71: Killing by Imitation Part 2 Jun 11 Ch.85 Memory Lost - Chapter 72: Killing by Imitation Part 3 Jun 11 Ch.86 Memory Lost - Chapter 73: Giving Up Love for the Rest of Life Part 1 Jun 11 Ch.87 Memory Lost - Chapter 74: Giving Up Love for the Rest of Life Part 2 Jun 11 Ch.88 Memory Lost - Chapter 75: Giving Up Love for the Rest of Life Part 3 Jun 11 Ch.89 Memory Lost - Chapter 76: Giving Up Love for the Rest of Life Part 4 Jun 11 Ch.90 Memory Lost - Chapter 77: The Second Person Part 1 Jun 11 Ch.91 Memory Lost - Chapter 78: The Second Person Part 2 Jun 11 Ch.92 Memory Lost - Chapter 79: Poisonous Beauty Part 1 Jun 11 Ch.93 Memory Lost - Chapter 80: Poisonous Beauty Part 2 Jun 11 Ch.94 Memory Lost - Chapter 81: A Seven Member Organization Part 1 Jun 11 Ch.95 Memory Lost - Chapter 82: A Seven Member Organization Part 2 Jun 11 Ch.96 Memory Lost - Chapter 83: My Beloved Part 1 Jun 11 Ch.97 Memory Lost - Chapter 84: My Beloved Part 2 Jun 11 Ch.98 Memory Lost - Chapter 85: Unmovable Boulder Part 1 Jun 11 Ch.99 Memory Lost - Chapter 86: Unmovable Boulder Part 2 Jun 11 Ch.100 Memory Lost - Chapter 87: My Sorrow Part 1 Jun 11 Ch.101 Memory Lost - Chapter 88: My Sorrow Part 2 Jun 11 Ch.102 Memory Lost - Chapter 89: My Sorrow Part 3 Jun 11 Ch.103 Memory Lost - Chapter 90: Let’s Wait and See Jun 11 Ch.104 Memory Lost - Chapter 91: Don’t Let Go Part 1 Jun 11 Ch.105 Memory Lost - Chapter 92: Don’t Let Go Part 2 Jun 11 Ch.106 Memory Lost - Chapter 93: She Will Not Change Jun 11 Ch.107 Memory Lost - Chapter 94: Imperial Sword Jun 11 Ch.108 Memory Lost - Chapter 95: After a bloody Battle Part 1 Jun 11 Ch.109 Memory Lost - Chapter 96: After a bloody Battle Part 2 Jun 11 Ch.110 Memory Lost - Chapter 97: Three Person from Day Till Night Part 1 Jun 11 Ch.111 Memory Lost - Chapter 98: Three Person from Day Till Night Part 2 Jun 11 Ch.112 Memory Lost - Chapter 99: Fall Into My Trap Part 1 Jun 11 Ch.113 Memory Lost - Chapter 100: Fall Into My Trap Part 2 Jun 11 Ch.114 Memory Lost - Chapter 101: Fall Into My Trap Part 3 Jun 11 Ch.115 Memory Lost - Chapter 102: Fall Into My Trap Part 4 Jun 11 Ch.116 Memory Lost - Chapter 103: The Big Show Begins Jun 11 Ch.117 Memory Lost - Chapter 104: The Third Person Jun 11 Ch.118 Memory Lost - Chapter 105 Jun 11 Ch.119 Memory Lost - Chapter 106: A Jealous Person Jun 11 Ch.120 Memory Lost - Chapter 107: hello, Big Sister Jun 11 Ch.121 Memory Lost - Chapter 108: Life and Death Together Jun 11 Ch.122 Memory Lost - Chapter 109: Here For You Part 1 Jun 11 Ch.123 Memory Lost - Chapter 110: Here For You Part 2 Jun 11 Ch.124 Memory Lost - Chapter 111: Here For You Part 3 + mini side stories Jun 11 Ch.125 Memory Lost - Chapter 112: Persist With Your Original Intentions Part 1 Jun 11 Ch.126 Memory Lost - Chapter 113: Persist With Your Original Intentions Part 2 Jun 11 Ch.127 Memory Lost - Chapter 114: Like Me This Much Jun 11 Ch.128 Memory Lost - Chapter 115: Until the End of Time Part 1 Jun 11 Ch.129 Memory Lost - Chapter 116: Until the End of Time Part 2 Jun 11 Ch.130 Memory Lost - Chapter 117: Until the End of Time Part 3 Jun 11 Ch.131 Memory Lost - Chapter 118: A’s Song of Sadness Jun 11 Ch.132 Memory Lost - Chapter 119: Milliseconds Apart Jun 11 Ch.133 Memory Lost - Chapter 120: L’s Invitation Dance Jun 11 Ch.134 Memory Lost - Chapter 121: The Secret In Your Eyes Part 1 Jun 11 Ch.135 Memory Lost - Chapter 122: The Secret In Your Eyes Part 2 Jun 11 Ch.136 Memory Lost - Chapter 123: Beloved Comrades Part 1 Jun 11 Ch.137 Memory Lost - Chapter 124: Beloved Comrades Part 2 Jun 11 Ch.138 Memory Lost - Chapter 125: R’s World Jun 11 Ch.139 Memory Lost - Chapter 126: Born to Die Jun 11 Ch.140 Memory Lost - Chapter 127: Mini Side Stories Jun 11 Ch.141 Memory Lost - Chapter 128: Her Decision Part 1 Jun 11 Ch.142 Memory Lost - Chapter 129: Her Decision Part 2 Jun 11 Ch.143 Memory Lost - Chapter 130: If He Were To Die Part 1 Jun 11 Ch.144 Memory Lost - Chapter 131: If He Were To Die Part 2 Jun 11 Ch.145 Memory Lost - Chapter 132: I Want to Kill Part 1 Jun 11 Ch.146 Memory Lost - Chapter 133: I Want to Kill Part 2 ← Current Jun 11 Ch.147 Memory Lost - Chapter 134: A New Sign Jun 11 Ch.148 Memory Lost - Chapter 135: S’s Profile Part 1 Jun 11 Ch.149 Memory Lost - Chapter 136: S’s Profile Part 2 Jun 11 Ch.150 Memory Lost - Chapter 137: My Fear Jun 11 Ch.151 Memory Lost - Chapter 138: The Hazy Morning Part 1 Jun 11 Ch.152 Memory Lost - Chapter 139: The Hazy Morning Part 2 Jun 11 Ch.153 Memory Lost - Chapter 140: The Hazy Morning Part 3 Jun 11 Ch.154 Memory Lost - Chapter 141: The Hazy Morning Part 4 Jun 11 Ch.155 Memory Lost - Chapter 142: Two Worlds Part 1 Jun 11 Ch.156 Memory Lost - Chapter 143: Two Worlds Part 2 Jun 11 Ch.157 Memory Lost - Chapter 144: Two Worlds Part 3 Jun 11 Ch.158 Memory Lost - Chapter 145: Walking in the Dark + mini side stories Jun 11 Ch.159 Memory Lost - Chapter 146: Su Mian, My Love Part 1 Jun 11 Ch.160 Memory Lost - Chapter 147: Su Mian My Love Part 2 + mini side story Jun 11 Ch.161 Memory Lost - Chapter 148: For The Sake of You Part 1 Jun 11 Ch.162 Memory Lost - Chapter 149: For The Sake of You Part 2 Jun 11 Ch.163 Memory Lost - Chapter 150: The Subway of hell Jun 11 Ch.164 Memory Lost - Chapter 151: S’s Spirit + mini side story Jun 11 Ch.165 Memory Lost - Chapter 152: He’s Waiting For You Jun 11 Ch.166 Memory Lost - Chapter 153: Long Time No See Jun 11 Ch.167 Memory Lost - Chapter 154: Never Grief Jun 11 Ch.168 Memory Lost - Chapter 155: King of Guilt Jun 11 Ch.169 Memory Lost - Chapter 156: Cold Like Snow Jun 11 Ch.170 Memory Lost - Chapter 157: What She Wants Part 1 Jun 11 Ch.171 Memory Lost - Chapter 158: What She Wants Part 2 Jun 11 Ch.172 Memory Lost - Chapter 159: Meeting Death Today Jun 11 Ch.173 Memory Lost - Chapter 160: The Spirit of the Police Shield Jun 11 Ch.174 Memory Lost - Chapter 161: After Love Jun 11 Ch.175 Memory Lost - Chapter 162: Same Day Last Year Jun 11